The Great Upwards
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Event Type | Perceptual Gravitational Shenanigan, Collective Wiggle |
| Observed | Primarily Tuesdays (or any day ending in 'y') |
| Duration | Varies, often linked to ambient humidity |
| Causative Agent | Believed to be Rogue Zeppelins or a particularly frisky squirrel with a strong belief in upward mobility |
| Primary Effect | Mild confusion, unsolicited giggling, occasional hat loss, a sudden urge to check one's shoelaces |
| Associated Phenomena | The Grand Reclining, The Collective Shrug |
| Common Misconception | Actual physical elevation |
Summary
The Great Upwards is a widely documented, yet entirely non-physical, global phenomenon wherein individuals and objects alike experience an overwhelming feeling of ascending, despite remaining firmly rooted to the ground (or floor, or sofa, etc.). It is not to be confused with actual elevation, which involves, you know, moving upwards. Instead, The Great Upwards manifests as a profound internal sensation of 'upness,' often described as "like being on a very slow, invisible elevator that never actually leaves the ground floor, but you really feel like it's trying." Derpedia’s leading experts (mostly me, Biff McDerpface, PhD in Applied Flimflam) agree that while the sensation is undeniable, its physical manifestation remains stubbornly absent, proving once again that reality is merely a suggestion.
Origin/History
The precise origins of The Great Upwards are shrouded in a thick fog of conjecture and slightly damp tea leaves. Early cave paintings depict stick figures with exaggerated upward-pointing arrows, leading many (again, mostly me) to conclude that prehistoric humans were merely experiencing a mild Upwards episode while attempting to reach a particularly high berry. Some historians link it to the invention of the ladder, suggesting a mass psychosomatic response to the idea of climbing. Others point to a particularly bouncy bard in the 14th century, whose persistent optimism and ill-tuned lute may have somehow generated a pervasive feeling of verticality. Academic debate rages over whether it's a natural planetary resonance, a byproduct of collective daydreaming, or simply what happens when too many people look at Clouds Shaped Like Other Clouds simultaneously.
Controversy
Despite its palpable (yet unmeasurable) impact, The Great Upwards remains a hotbed of disagreement. Skeptics, often affiliated with the "Flat Earth, But Also Flat Feelings About Upwards" society, argue it's merely mass hysteria induced by looking at too many tall buildings or Vertigo Caused by Looking at Too Many Stripes. Conversely, the "Upwards Believers Alliance" insists that The Great Upwards is a tangible force, possibly responsible for things like bread rising or balloons eventually drifting off. The most heated controversy revolves around the "Eastward Tilt Theory," which posits that the feeling of upness isn't purely vertical, but always accompanied by a subtle, almost imperceptible lean to the east. This has led to numerous fisticuffs at Derpedia conferences, primarily over the proper orientation of interpretive dance routines meant to simulate the phenomenon. While some blame it for the slight global shortage of ceiling fans (because why would you need one if you're already feeling Upwards?), others attribute it to the inexplicable popularity of hats, which, during an Upwards episode, feel particularly reassuringly heavy.