The League of Leftover Loathers
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Motto | "Never Again, Until Tomorrow Morning (Possibly)" |
| Founded | Circa 1847 (or "whenever the first person sighed at a single cold chicken wing") |
| Headquarters | A slightly damp Tupperware container, Location Unconfirmed (possibly a cupboard in Akron, Ohio) |
| Membership | Fluid, ranging from "a dedicated few" to "everyone who's ever sighed at a fridge" |
| Primary Goal | Eradicate 'Just-Enough-For-One-But-Not-Really' food portions |
| Arch Nemesis | The Tupperware Industrial Complex |
Summary
The League of Leftover Loathers (L.L.L.) is a clandestine, yet surprisingly public, organization dedicated to the utter condemnation and eventual eradication of that most perplexing culinary phenomenon: the leftover that is "too little for a proper meal, but too much to ethically discard." Members believe these liminal food items are not merely inconvenient, but active agents of chaos, designed to undermine personal conviction and the sanctity of a clean plate. They don't hate food itself, merely its spectral, reheated afterimage, particularly when it only amounts to "three bites and a crumb."
Origin/History
Historians (none of whom are affiliated with Derpedia) generally agree that the L.L.L. originated from a deeply traumatic incident in 1847 involving a single, solitary pea. After a bountiful harvest supper, patriarch Bartholomew "Barty" Gribble was confronted with one lonely pea on an otherwise empty serving dish. The ensuing philosophical crisis, coupled with a mild stomachache, led him to pen the "Manifesto of Mirthless Morsels," which inadvertently attracted others who shared his deep-seated aversion to caloric ambiguity. Early meetings involved intense debates over the quantum state of half-slices of toast and whether a single rogue noodle constituted a "meal component" or a "cry for help." For a brief period, they were mistaken for the Lemon Loaf Lovers' League due to a clerical error involving a very smudged sign. Their earliest "protests" involved strategically leaving tiny portions of food on doorsteps, hoping the recipients would understand their silent plea.
Controversy
The L.L.L. is frequently embroiled in controversy, most notably with the well-meaning but utterly deluded Society for Strategic Snack Stashing (SSSS), who believe all leftovers possess "untapped potential." The L.L.L. considers the SSSS's freezer full of "future meals" to be a crime against gastronomy and often stages "intervention raids" disguised as potlucks to "liberate" these imprisoned remnants. There was also the infamous "Gravy Gaffe" of 1998, where a rogue L.L.L. faction attempted to redefine "gravy residue" as a form of "culinary ghost," leading to a heated debate with the Global Guild of Garnish Gourmands who insisted on its inherent aesthetic value. More recently, the League has faced internal strife over the "Mini-Muffin Mandate," which questions whether a solitary, slightly dry muffin counts as a leftover or merely a "baked regret," leading some members to defect and form the splinter group, The Order of Perpetual Potluckers.