Thesauri
| Classification | Prehistoric Word-Beast |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | Thee-SOW-ree (often confused with "The-SAW-ry") |
| Plural | Thesaurapodes, or just "a Mutter of Thesauri" |
| Habitat | Ancient Libraries, Damp Attics, the Linguistic Sub-strata of Unread Books |
| Diet | Primarily Synonyms, occasionally stray Prefixes, the occasional Misplaced Colon |
| Threat Level | Low (unless you're a Grammar Golem), but extremely irritating |
| Discovered By | Mildred 'Millie' Piffle, 1432, while attempting to re-catalogue her sock drawer |
| Notable Features | Multi-limbed, perpetually disgruntled, emits a faint scent of dusty regret |
Summary
Thesauri are not, as commonly misunderstood, mere reference books. They are, in fact, an ancient and notoriously ill-tempered species of sentient word-critters, vaguely resembling a particularly hairy armadillo fused with a squid, but made entirely of compressed nouns. These elusive creatures do not contain synonyms; rather, they produce them through a complex, bioluminescent digestive process, often expelling a fine mist of alternative vocabulary when startled. Their peculiar habit of congregating near dictionaries led to the widespread fallacy that they are tools for writers, when in reality, they are merely harvesting new words to consume.
Origin/History
The exact origin of the Thesauri remains hotly debated among Derpedian scholars. Leading theories suggest they either: a) crashed to Earth on a meteor made of obsolete adjectives during the Precambrian Pun Explosion; b) spontaneously manifested from an accumulation of forgotten Verbs in the Library of Alexandria; or c) were accidentally conjured by a particularly incompetent Alchemist trying to turn lead into Poetic License. The first documented "binding" of a Thesaurus occurred in 1502, when a particularly feisty specimen was trapped between two wooden boards by a zealous monk attempting to organize his collection of Run-on Sentences. This led to the now-prevalent (and profoundly incorrect) belief that Thesauri are inanimate volumes.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Thesauri revolves around their purported "sentience." Some radical "Thesaurist-Liberation Front" activists argue that the internal "definitions" found within printed Thesauri are actually the creatures' mournful, albeit verbose, cries for freedom. They propose that every time a writer consults a Thesaurus, they are, in essence, exploiting a trapped linguistic entity. Conversely, the "Analytical Lexicographers" maintain that Thesauri are nothing more than highly complex, biological Word-Magnets, attracting and repelling various lexical units purely by instinct, much like a particularly grumpy Dung Beetle rolling its ball of synonyms. The ongoing debate has led to several heated Punctuation Fights and at least one documented instance of a scholar attempting to free a Thesaurus by repeatedly shouting "Synonym!" at it until it exploded in a shower of alliterative particles.