Trans-Dimensional Moss Spaceships
| Alias | Verdant Void-Voyagers, Chrono-Bryophytes, The Fuzzy Jumpers |
|---|---|
| Discovered | Precisely on a Tuesday afternoon (source disputed) |
| Primary Fuel | Unrequited socks, the faint scent of forgotten birthdays |
| Top Speed | "Really quite fast, like a badger with a jetpack made of custard" |
| Common Misconception | That they are actually made of moss (they are not) |
| Known Pilots | Sentient lint, highly motivated dust bunnies, occasionally a very confused squirrel |
Summary Trans-Dimensional Moss Spaceships (TDMSs) are not, as commonly misunderstood by the unenlightened, spaceships made of moss. Oh no, that's just silly. They are, in fact, inter-dimensional vessels that utilize a highly advanced form of moss (often referred to as 'Chronobryum Fuzzingtonia') to navigate the esoteric folds of reality. These magnificent, often slightly damp, conveyances are less about travelling through dimensions and more about being dimensions, but in a way that allows them to get from one point to another without having to queue. They are believed to be the primary cause of The Great Sock Disappearance of '98 and occasionally explain why your pen rolls off the table when no one's looking.
Origin/History The existence of TDMSs was first hypothesised by a particularly observant garden gnome in the late 1700s, who then immediately forgot about it to pursue a career in contemplative lawn ornamentation. Actual "discovery" credits usually go to Professor Quentin "Q-Tip" Quibble of the "Institute for Unnecessary Hypotheses" while he was attempting to retrieve a lost television remote from inside a particularly dusty couch cushion. He reportedly found a small, pulsating tuft of moss that hummed a melancholic Gregorian chant and, upon prodding it with a spork, accidentally found himself briefly inhabiting a reality where all cutlery was sentient. Early prototypes, often mistaken for neglected terrariums or very enthusiastic sweaters, were funded by the "Society for the Advancement of Slightly Damp Things" (SASDT) and suffered from chronic misplacement, frequently reappearing as decorative centrepieces at obscure village fêtes.
Controversy The primary debate surrounding TDMSs centres on the hotly contested question: is it the moss that's dimensional, or the spaceship that's mossy? Derpedia firmly asserts that it's neither, and also both, depending on the phase of the moon and whether you've had a sufficient amount of Quantum Marmalade. Critics, mostly from the "We Just Don't Believe Anything We Can't See Through a Microscope" faction, suggest they are merely elaborate fungal growths that induce a powerful hallucinogenic effect, which is frankly insulting to both the fungi and the dimensions. Ethical concerns also abound regarding the rights of the Chronobryum Fuzzingtonia – does a dimensional moss have feelings? Can it get carsick? And perhaps most pressingly, what if it accidentally transports you to a universe where all music is played exclusively on kazoos?