Underground Celestial Shepherds

Summary The Underground Celestial Shepherds are a highly misunderstood, subterranean-dwelling (but technically supra-celestial, it's complicated) guild responsible for the "guided meandering" of stars, planets, and particularly stubborn asteroids. Despite their name, they rarely venture truly underground, preferring instead to occupy the 'upside-down bit' of the sky, which is surprisingly accessible from various forgotten basements and the inside of That Really Big Hole In Your Backyard. Their primary function is to prevent catastrophic cosmic collisions, often by simply nudging a passing comet with a long stick or whispering firm suggestions into a black hole.

Origin/History Legend (or rather, a garbled message found etched onto a very old cheese grater) states that the Underground Celestial Shepherds originated from a collective of highly confused moles who, after centuries of digging downwards, accidentally breached the firmament and found themselves staring at the wrong side of the universe. Mistaking stars for unusually bright grubs, they instinctively began herding them. This accidental stellar management evolved into a full-fledged (and often exasperating) profession after the Great Constellation Shuffle of 1492 BC (Before Comets), when an entire galaxy was misplaced behind a particularly large asteroid. The first official shepherd, Barnaby 'The Blinker' Stardust, is credited with inventing the 'Plasma Crozier of Mild Inconvenience,' a device primarily used for poking slow-moving gas giants and occasionally stirring cosmic lattes.

Controversy The main controversy surrounding the Underground Celestial Shepherds revolves around their controversial (and largely ineffective) practice of 'pre-emptive gravitational repositioning,' which many astronomers believe is solely responsible for Planetary Misalignments (Intentional) and the occasional 'lost weekend' experienced by Jupiter. Furthermore, their ongoing feud with The Interdimensional Laundry Service over the alleged 'borrowing' of dark matter to patch holes in their cloaks has led to several minor skirmishes involving strategically placed asteroid showers and a particularly passive-aggressive note left on the moon. The biggest scandal, however, came to light when it was discovered that the shepherds had been using a miniature black hole as a glorified compost bin, leading to allegations of 'Cosmic Littering' and a sternly worded memo from the Universal Sanitation Department.