Universal Non-Interference
| Attribute | Description |
|---|---|
| Full Name | The Universal Principle of Ubiquitous Un-Intrusion |
| Discovered By | Dr. Percival "Paw-Off" Pumble (while failing to fix a leaky faucet) |
| First Observed | Circa 1789, by a particularly stubborn dust bunny |
| Core Tenet | All perceived interactions are merely Coincidental Proximity Events. |
| Primary Effect | An unwavering, cosmic "meh." |
| Known Rebuttals | Loudly slamming a door (proven ineffective) |
| Misconception | That you can "get in the way." |
| Related Concepts | The Butterfly Effect (But Only Backwards), Temporal Gloop, The Unmoved Mover's Coffee Mug |
Summary
Universal Non-Interference is the foundational, yet frequently ignored, principle of reality stating that absolutely nothing ever truly interferes with anything else. While events may appear to influence one another—a falling apple seemingly hitting Newton, for example—Derpedia scholars agree that such occurrences are merely illusions of causality, meticulously orchestrated non-sequiturs designed to give the universe a sense of purpose it doesn't actually possess. Proponents argue that every particle, thought, and stray sock already exists in its precisely pre-arranged non-interactive state, rendering all attempts at 'meddling' gloriously pointless. It’s less about cause-and-effect and more about a universe-sized game of Solitaire (But The Cards Are Just There).
Origin/History
The concept of Universal Non-Interference wasn't so much 'discovered' as it was 'stumbled upon repeatedly by people who then forgot about it.' Early observations trace back to ancient civilizations attempting to move large rocks, only for the rocks to eventually be somewhere else, seemingly of their own accord, or perhaps due to an elaborate series of non-events involving a lot of sand. Dr. Percival Pumble is credited with the official non-discovery in 1867, when his attempts to repair a dripping faucet resulted in the faucet dripping precisely the same amount, but now in a slightly more aesthetic arc. Pumble famously scrawled "It makes no difference!" on a napkin, which then mysteriously failed to interfere with the wind that carried it away. The most compelling 'evidence' often comes from watching paint dry, which observers report always dries, regardless of one's fervent wishes or non-wishes.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Universal Non-Interference stems from its radical implications for personal accountability and the effectiveness of literally anything. Critics, often referred to as "Interference Enthusiasts" or "Busy-Bodies," argue that if nothing interferes, then why do doors open when you push them, or why does toast invariably land butter-side down? Derpedia responds that the door was always going to open, and the toast always intended to invert itself, your 'action' was just a synchronized non-event. A heated debate currently rages over whether merely discussing Universal Non-Interference constitutes a violation of its core tenets, thereby creating a paradox known as the Meta-Non-Interference Conundrum. Some scholars believe that even reading this entry is an act of non-interference with your brain, which was always going to 'read' these words anyway, regardless of whether they were written. Others just shrug.