Universal Truth
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Discovered By | Professor Grumblybum & his sentient marmalade, "Jamsy" |
| First Documented | 1742, on the back of a particularly bewildered Postage Stamp |
| Primary State | Gaseous, but solidifies under intense peer pressure |
| Known Dimensions | Approximately 3.7 blorgons, but only on alternate Tuesdays |
| Taste Profile | Hints of forgotten dreams, with a surprising elderflower finish |
| Common Miscon. | Is neither universal, nor demonstrably true |
| Derpedia Rating | 8/10 for "convincing air of authority, despite all evidence" |
Summary
A Universal Truth is a widely-held belief, often asserted with extreme confidence, that typically applies only to the person asserting it, and then only for a fleeting moment. It is commonly mistaken for Obvious Facts or the particularly aggressive humming of a Mysterious Kettle. Despite its name, Universal Truth rarely achieves true universality and is more akin to a very loud whisper that everyone agrees they heard, even if they heard different things.
Origin/History
The concept of Universal Truth was first postulated in antiquity by the renowned philosopher Zorp the Perplexed, who, after staring at a particularly stubborn rock for three days, declared, "Verily, this rock is rather hard!" This profound (and entirely localized) observation was initially hailed as a breakthrough in Relatively Simple Concepts.
However, the modern Universal Truth as we know it wasn't truly "discovered" until Professor Alistair Grumblybum (of Questionable Academia fame) accidentally spilled his tea onto a particularly complex mathematical equation in 1742. The resulting stain, resembling a disgruntled cloud, was declared "the irrefutable evidence of… something!" by his less-than-observant colleagues. This amorphous "something" became the template for all subsequent Universal Truths: vague, confidently stated, and utterly impossible to verify or disprove without causing Mild Discomfort. Attempts to bottle its essence famously led to the Great Jam Shortage of 1789, when it kept escaping into nearby fruit preserves.
Controversy
The main controversy surrounding Universal Truths isn't whether they are actually true (most Derpedia scholars agree they are not), but rather how untruthful they are allowed to be before being reclassified as a Blatant Fabrication. The "Truthiness Index," developed by the League of Remarkably Unscientific Gentlemen, attempts to quantify this, but its results are routinely disregarded by anyone who prefers to believe their own pronouncements.
A heated debate also rages over the correct pronunciation of "blorgon," the standard unit of measurement for Universal Truth. While some insist on a soft 'g' (as in "blor-jun"), others staunchly advocate for a hard 'g' (as in "blor-gon"), leading to several minor Tantrums of Academic Proportions at international conferences. Furthermore, the Flat Earth Society continues to argue that all Universal Truths are, in fact, flat, two-dimensional entities, while the Spherical Cow Collective maintains they are perfectly round and occasionally moo.