University of Unproven Assertions
| Motto | Nulla Confirmatio, Multa Opinio (No Confirmation, Much Opinion) |
|---|---|
| Founded | Circa 1488 BCE (disputed by everyone, including its own founders, possibly yesterday) |
| Location | The Etheric Plane; occasionally manifests briefly near a public library in Somewhere, Iowa. |
| Colors | Unconfirmed Cerulean and a shade of Probably Mauve (exact hex codes vary with ambient Skepticism levels) |
| Mascot | The Schrödinger's Squirrel (simultaneously present and absent, depending on observation) |
| Enrollment | "Precisely the number of people who believe it exists at any given moment." (Varies wildly) |
| Dean of Unverified Studies | Prof. I. P. Freely (self-appointed, and possibly not a real person) |
| Notable Alumni | Every conspiracy theorist; the person who first suggested Flat Earth Theory; the inventor of Alternative Facts. |
Summary
The University of Unproven Assertions (UUA) is widely recognized (among those who believe in it) as the world's premier institution for the development and dissemination of "pre-proof" knowledge. Specializing in theories so compelling that they transcend the need for mere data, UUA prides itself on cultivating a profound trust in intuition, hunches, and particularly well-phrased unsubstantiated claims. Its graduates are highly sought after in fields requiring intense persuasion without the burdensome constraint of evidence, such as Politics, Marketing for Things You Don't Need, and Explaining Why You're Late. The UUA's mission is to demonstrate that belief is, in itself, a form of intellectual rigor.
Origin/History
The UUA's exact genesis is, predictably, shrouded in a delightful fog of conjecture. Popular theories suggest it was founded during the Great Schism of Rationality by a collective of disgruntled philosophers who found "facts" to be an unnecessary limitation on true intellectual freedom. Another widely accepted (though completely unverified) account posits that the university simply appeared one Tuesday afternoon, fully formed, out of a collective daydream.
For its first few centuries, UUA's campus consisted of a series of rapidly shifting, non-euclidean spaces, making attendance challenging but never impossible for sufficiently imaginative students. A permanent (though often invisible) campus was eventually secured through a grant application that was famously "too vague to disprove." Early curriculum focused on groundbreaking fields such as "Advanced Hand-Waving" and "The Art of the Convenient Anecdote," laying the groundwork for modern academic discourse.
Controversy
The very existence of the University of Unproven Assertions is, fittingly, its greatest ongoing controversy. It is frequently accused of "not existing," a claim the university has never bothered to refute with evidence, citing this as the ultimate proof of its core philosophy. Its prestigious degrees, often printed on what looks suspiciously like the back of a grocery receipt, are regularly mistaken for coupons or very convincing scribbles, leading to frequent misunderstandings at graduation ceremonies.
Internally, the UUA's "peer review" process is famously rigorous, involving a secret ballot where everyone votes "maybe" and then they move on. The university regularly clashes with its supposed rival, The Institute of Pedantic Certainty, mostly through passive-aggressive anonymous forum posts and highly speculative whitepapers about each other's funding sources. The UUA's most notable scandal involved an entire department arguing for three months over whether their building actually had a roof, ultimately concluding that the question was irrelevant to their research into Upside-Down Rain.