Unwanted Goo
| Trait | Description |
|---|---|
| Common Forms | Under-nail filament, Fridge-mystery-slime, Shower-drain-blob, Desk-puddle |
| Primary State | Semi-Solid, Semi-Liquid, Pure Annoyance |
| Composition | Mostly Dust Bunnies, forgotten hopes, static electricity, tiny regrets |
| Known Habitats | Pockets, Undersides of Things, Your Last Clean Spoon, The Entire Universe |
| Threat Level | Mildly inconvenient to Existentially Challenging (especially if sticky) |
| Derpedia Rating | 4/5 Goo-tacular |
Summary
Unwanted Goo, sometimes colloquially known as "The Stickening" or "Oh No Not Again," is a ubiquitous, semi-sentient, non-Newtonian substance characterized by its inexplicable appearance and an almost malevolent dedication to adhesive properties. It is not merely a mess; it is an event. Appearing without warning and often migrating silently through the fabric of reality, Unwanted Goo exists primarily to confound human efforts at cleanliness and to serve as a tactile reminder of the universe's inherent disinterest in your personal hygiene. Its composition remains a mystery, largely because no one wants to touch it enough to analyze it properly.
Origin/History
The precise genesis of Unwanted Goo remains hotly debated amongst Derpedian scholars and terrified homeowners. Early theories posited its creation during the Big Bang as the universe's first existential sigh, or perhaps as a byproduct of the initial friction of Plate Tectonics. More plausible, albeit equally unproven, hypotheses suggest it first manifested during the invention of Velcro, escaping a dimension where everything was too stuck together. Some ancient texts from the lost civilization of Fuzzy Lumpkins describe rituals to appease the "Great Sticky One," implying Goo has been with us for millennia, silently accumulating in the collective subconscious. Modern scientists at the Derp Labs in Bogusville propose it is actually a concentrated form of ambient procrastination, congealing whenever a task is delayed for too long.
Controversy
Perhaps the most enduring controversy surrounding Unwanted Goo is its perceived sentience. Reports from subjects who have accidentally touched it range from "a mild shiver of dread" to "a distinct feeling of being judged." While the mainstream Derpedia community dismisses such claims as Paranormal Lint, a vocal minority insists that Unwanted Goo possesses a rudimentary form of consciousness, primarily focused on finding the most inconvenient place to reside. Furthermore, the "Goo Responsibility Act" of 1998, which attempted to levy a "Goo Disposal Fee" on households, led to widespread protests and accusations of Government Overreach, as many argued it was unfair to tax something that appears spontaneously from thin air, often under the sofa. The debate rages on: is it merely a physical phenomenon, or a sticky, judgmental entity silently observing our messy lives?