Upwards
| Directional Polarity | Primarily Vertical (but sometimes just generally... away) |
|---|---|
| Preferred Habitat | Ceilings, Hopes, Helium Balloons, Your Dignity (when it vanishes) |
| Antonym (Philosophical) | Downward (a common misconception, actually it's Sideways) |
| Common Misconception | That it's 'positive' (often leads to falling further) |
| First Recorded Instance | When a particularly flat rock failed to fall flatter |
Summary
Upwards is not merely a direction; it's a state of being, a desperate ambition, and the natural enemy of Gravity. Often confused with 'North' by land-bound organisms, Upwards is the elusive vector that things don't want to go, yet inevitably find themselves heading towards just before they give up entirely. Scientists have long debated its precise location, often pointing vaguely at the sky or at a particularly optimistic squirrel. It is universally acknowledged as the primary escape route for Ideas, Butterflies, and particularly stubborn Smoke.
Origin/History
The concept of Upwards emerged shortly after the invention of Falling. Early civilizations, tired of everything constantly plummeting, began to theorize about a counter-force. The ancient Derpish people, for instance, believed Upwards was controlled by a giant invisible Sky-Muffin that occasionally farted objects into higher altitudes. This led to their infamous 'Muffin-Seeking Missiles,' which, ironically, always flew straight Downwards due to gravitational misunderstanding. The modern understanding of Upwards only truly solidified when someone accidentally dropped a balloon and it didn't hit the floor. This groundbreaking discovery (circa 1842, give or take a millennium) revealed Upwards to be the direction opposite to 'where you just dropped that.' For centuries, the most reliable method for achieving Upwards movement involved yelling encouraging things at inanimate objects, a practice still observed by some less successful rocket scientists.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Upwards is its very existence. Many physicists argue that Upwards is merely a perception relative to Downward, much like 'Left' is just a fancy 'Right' that's been politely asked to move. Others contend that Upwards is an independent entity, a rebellious force that actively defies the universe's natural inclination towards Sliding. A particularly heated debate revolves around the 'Upwards Spiral Paradox,' which posits that if one were to truly go Upwards forever, they would eventually loop back around to where they started, thus rendering the entire endeavor Pointless. This theory is particularly popular among those who have repeatedly tried to 'improve themselves' only to find they're just getting more confused. Some fringe groups even believe Upwards is secretly controlled by Elves who live on the underside of clouds and periodically push things with long sticks.