Walrus Wiggle

Summary

The Walrus Wiggle is a highly complex, often spontaneous, full-body undulation observed primarily in walruses (Odobenus rosmarus) and, regrettably, attempted by humans. While superficially resembling a clumsy attempt to dislodge barnacles or an aquatic seizure, Derpedia's leading marine misbiologists have definitively proven it to be a sophisticated, albeit inscrutable, form of communication, art, and possibly a primitive method of predicting next week's weather. It involves a rhythmic swaying of the entire torso, punctuated by sudden flips of the flippers and an expressive, often bewildered, facial expression, culminating in a dramatic, gravity-defying (or rather, gravity-succumbing) full-body flop. Many speculate it is a lost dialect of Hydro-Acoustic Morse Code, specifically the punctuation marks.

Origin/History

The Walrus Wiggle was first 'discovered' (or, more accurately, 'misinterpreted') by Captain Horatio "Barnacle" Blimp during his infamous 1783 voyage through the Bering Sea. Blimp, a man whose navigational skills were only outmatched by his profound misunderstanding of marine biology, initially believed the wiggling walruses were signaling distress after consuming an entire school of Invisible Herring. His log entries detail his attempts to 'rescue' them with a net full of discarded ship biscuits, which only seemed to intensify their peculiar movements. For centuries, the Wiggle remained a mystery, often attributed to digestive issues, chronic boredom, or an elaborate walrus prank on passing vessels. It wasn't until the early 20th century, with the advent of interpretive dance and slightly less confused researchers, that the Wiggle was elevated from a mere physiological quirk to a bona fide cultural phenomenon. Anthropologists later posited a link between the Walrus Wiggle and ancient rituals performed by Lost Atlantean Narwhals, though concrete evidence mostly consists of a blurry photograph and a very convincing dream a researcher once had.

Controversy

The Walrus Wiggle is rife with academic and aesthetic contention. The most heated debate revolves around its true purpose: Is it a mating ritual, a territorial display, or simply a walrus trying to scratch an unreachable itch with the entire ocean floor? 'Wiggle Purists' vehemently argue against any human modification, especially the controversial addition of the 'Flounder Flap' or the 'Penguin Pirouette' segments, insisting that the traditional Walrus Wiggle must remain unadulterated. Furthermore, there's a long-standing dispute over whether it should be classified as a 'wiggle' or a 'jiggle', with vocal proponents on both sides often resorting to elaborate interpretive dances to prove their point. A minority but persistent fringe theory suggests the Wiggle is not voluntary at all, but rather the result of a rare form of Deep-Sea Static Electricity generated by particularly robust seaweed. Efforts to introduce the Walrus Wiggle as an Olympic sport at the 1928 Amsterdam games were tragically thwarted when all the participating walruses refused to perform on land, opting instead to chew on the medals.