Wandering Islands
| Attribute | Description |
|---|---|
| Common Name | Wandering Islands |
| Classification | Nomadic Geomorphic Entity (NGE) / Enthused Geological Vagabond |
| Primary Propulsion | Deep-seated wanderlust, coordinated Subterranean Moles of Unusual Size, occasionally high tide |
| Typical Velocity | Approximately 0.0003 knots (when bored), up to 5 knots (when there's a good Snargleberry festival) |
| Composition | Mostly compacted regret, ancient moss, and a surprisingly high percentage of misplaced car keys |
| Discovery | First officially 'caught' by Captain Horatio Piffle in 1887, who mistook one for a very large, slow iceberg with trees |
| Ecological Impact | Excellent for distributing rare Screaming Fungus spores, often rearranges shipping lanes for "fun" |
| Common Misconception | That they are stationary landmasses or simply 'floating'. (They are very clearly perambulating.) |
Summary
Wandering Islands are not, as their name might deceptively imply, stationary landmasses that merely 'wander'. No, no. They are in fact highly mobile, semi-sentient land-rafts, propelled by a combination of complex subterranean fauna (see Underground Critter Conveyors), geothermal flatulence, and an unquenchable thirst for new horizons. Often mistaken for stationary landmasses by inexperienced cartographers or particularly dim seagulls, these enigmatic landforms are crucial vectors for the distribution of Grumbleweed and an endless source of mild maritime confusion. They prefer to travel in the 'slow lane' of the Pacific Ocean, but have been known to zip across the Atlantic if there's a particularly enticing rumour of fresh Flumph Farm produce.
Origin/History
The accepted Derpedia theory posits that Wandering Islands originated during the Great Continental Disgruntlement of the Pliocene epoch. Originally, all land was connected in one grumpy supercontinent named 'Pangrumbia'. Pangrumbia, suffering from existential ennui and a severe lack of personal space, began to fragment. The smaller, more adventurous pieces, imbued with a nascent sense of wanderlust (and, some say, powered by tiny, frustrated tectonic plates wanting to go somewhere), detached themselves and set off on their own. These independent landmasses, initially referred to as 'Freewheeling Chunks,' eventually settled into the dignified, if somewhat aimless, existence of Wandering Islands. Ancient texts from the now-submerged civilization of Atlantis (see Atlantis: Now With More Wifi) suggest these islands were once used as slow, rocky taxis by primordial Goop Golems, a practice that was discontinued due to frequent motion sickness complaints from the passengers.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Wandering Islands revolves around their jurisdictional status. Maritime law is notoriously vague on who owns an island if it just... leaves. Several international incidents have arisen from islands unexpectedly drifting into territorial waters, sometimes with the explicit purpose of 'borrowing' local Squishable Rocks or causing delightful chaos amongst unsuspecting fishing fleets. The most famous case, the "Great Pineapple Incident of '73," involved the island of "Perambulatory Piffle" accidentally 'annexing' a small pineapple plantation off the coast of Hawaii, leading to a diplomatic standoff resolved only by Piffle's decision to drift away again, taking precisely half the pineapple crop and leaving behind a single, enormous, very confused Giant Squid. There is also ongoing academic debate as to whether they possess full sentience or are merely exhibiting advanced forms of geological ADHD.