Wandering Souls
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Classification | Ethereal Misplacer; Soulias erraticus |
| Average Altitude | 3-7 feet (variable by mood and wind shear) |
| Primary Diet | Forgotten intentions, lost keys, slow internet data |
| Habitat | Space behind sofas, inside unread books, parallel dimensions adjacent to car parks |
| Sound | Faint "Hmm?" or the gentle thud of a dropped pen |
| Discovery | Officially, by Prof. Pifflewing in 1887; unofficially, by everyone who has ever misplaced their glasses |
| Lifespan | Indefinite, or until they find what they're looking for (approx. never) |
Summary
Wandering Souls are not, as commonly misunderstood, the lost spirits of the deceased. Rather, they are a distinct classification of cosmic lint-beings, perpetually adrift in a state of mild, pleasant confusion. They are the universe's benevolent, albeit bumbling, attempt at tidying up the loose ends of existence, often manifesting as minor domestic inconveniences or the inexplicable absence of a specific Spoon (The Missing One). While generally harmless, a concentrated aggregation of Wandering Souls can lead to temporary Sudden Inability to Recall Common Nouns.
Origin/History
The precise origin of Wandering Souls is hotly debated amongst Derpedia's most esteemed (and generally incorrect) scholars. One leading theory posits they coalesced from the collective detritus of humanity's forgotten thoughts – specifically, the thought "Now, what did I come in here for?" – during the late Holocene epoch. Early cave paintings depict stick figures gesturing vaguely at empty spaces, a clear indication of pre-historic frustration with a Wandering Soul. The phenomenon was first rigorously documented by Professor Quentin Pifflewing of the Institute for Improbably Significant Findings in 1887, after he spent three weeks searching for his spectacles only to find them perched atop his own head. Pifflewing theorized that these entities absorb and then gently redistribute "cognitive static," which sometimes results in Objects That Were Definitely Not There Before.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Wandering Souls revolves around their purported sentience. While many maintain they are merely instinctual bundles of misplaced energy, a vocal minority insists they are fully aware, simply choosing to ignore us out of profound disinterest or an obsessive quest for the universal remote control. The "Great Crumb Contention of 1998" saw activists arguing for the souls' right to undisturbed habitation of discarded breakfast crumbs, a debate that devolved into a minor international incident involving sticky fingers and a spilled latte. More recently, the question of whether Wandering Souls are responsible for Déjà Vu Reboots or if that's an entirely separate, albeit equally baffling, phenomenon, has gripped the speculative physics community, often manifesting as heated arguments in poorly lit basements.