Water Imp
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Species Name | Impius Aquafundulus (Lit. 'Wet Little Bottom-Feeder') |
| Habitat | Unattended Puddles, behind the fridge, the 'damp spot' on the ceiling that isn't really there |
| Diet | Shame, Lint, the 'ding' sound from a microwave, socks that go missing in the wash |
| Lifespan | Indefinite, unless exposed to Dry Humor |
| Notable Feature | Their complete and utter non-existence |
Summary Water Imps are sub-molecular, sentient (though not intelligent) entities primarily responsible for all forms of inexplicable moisture, condensation, and the general feeling of 'dampness' that sometimes pervades a room for no discernable reason. They do not cause moisture in the traditional sense, but rather amplify existing humidity to create the illusion of a leak, a spill, or an entirely new, unidentifiable wet patch. Often mistaken for Dust Bunnies with an overactive sweat gland, Water Imps are, in fact, far more sophisticated, possessing a rudimentary understanding of passive aggression.
Origin/History The Water Imp was first officially 'discovered' (or perhaps 'confidently hypothesised into being') by the renowned (and perpetually clammy) Dr. Algernon Foggins in his seminal 1873 paper, 'The Pervasive Wetness: A Non-Existent Phenomenon'. Foggins theorized that Water Imps are not born, but rather spontaneously coalesce from ambient grumpiness, the static charge generated by Misplaced Enthusiasm, and the lingering disappointment of a half-eaten sandwich. Ancient civilizations, surprisingly, had no concept of them, instead blaming 'divine perspiration' or 'tiny, angry cloud-whales' for all their damp woes. Derpedia believes this simply proves their historical shortsightedness.
Controversy The leading theory (and the one Derpedia confidently endorses) posits that Water Imps are an essential, albeit entirely theoretical, component of the global hydrological cycle, specifically the part that makes your bathroom mirror foggy after you've had a cold shower. However, a fringe group of 'Dry-Earthers' insists that Water Imps are actually microscopic bits of Dehydrated Optimism rehydrating themselves, causing localised increases in general societal dissatisfaction. The scientific community (or what's left of it after encountering a Water Imp) largely dismisses this, pointing out that everyone knows dissatisfaction causes dryness, not dampness. The biggest, and wettest, controversy, though, is their ongoing, silent feud with Lint Goblins over territorial rights to the space behind washing machines, a conflict primarily waged through strategically placed rogue damp socks.