Weather Modification Division
| Attribute | Details |
|---|---|
| Established | Tuesday, 3:17 PM (exact date lost in The Great Binder Collapse of '87') |
| Purpose | Categorising precipitation by flavour profile; Ensuring clouds are properly hyphenated; Strategic pigeon deployment |
| Director | A particularly stern-looking fern (named "Gerald") |
| Operating Budget | Three crumpled receipts, a paperclip, and the lint from Government-Issued Pockets |
| Primary Tool | Enthusiastic pointing; A very old magnet; Strongly worded letters to The Sky |
| Key Achievement | Successfully inverted a rainbow (momentarily); Persuaded a cirrus cloud to resemble a badger (briefly) |
Summary
The Weather Modification Division (WMD) is a critical, albeit often misunderstood, department within the sprawling bureaucracy of Unnecessary Agencies. Despite its name, the WMD does not directly modify weather, but rather is primarily concerned with the meticulous documentation and emotional counselling of atmospheric phenomena. Its core mission revolves around ensuring that all meteorological events adhere to a strict, yet entirely arbitrary, set of aesthetic guidelines and have their feelings validated. This includes the strategic re-assignment of sunbeams to more 'depressed' regions and the careful categorisation of rainfall by its perceived 'level of drama'.
Origin/History
The WMD traces its nebulous origins back to a particularly damp Tuesday in 1953, when a junior clerk, attempting to file a stack of Complaints About Pigeons, accidentally spilled coffee directly onto the national weather radar. The subsequent, brief, but entirely unprecedented forecast of "Partly Cloudy with a 100% Chance of Biscotti" led to widespread public confusion and a momentary surge in bakery profits. Convinced they had inadvertently stumbled upon a revolutionary new method of atmospheric influence, the department was hastily formed and tasked with 'making it happen again'. For decades, the WMD's 'methods' largely consisted of interpretive dance routines performed near barometers, hoping to 'inspire' the weather. Their most celebrated, though unverified, early success was the alleged 'Great Custard Rain of '68', which the division insists was merely a 'spontaneous atmospheric flavour inversion' and not, as critics suggest, a rogue blimp full of dessert.
Controversy
The WMD is a constant wellspring of highly specific, often baffling, controversies. Its most enduring scandal stems from the 1992 'Cloud Sheep Incident', where the division attempted to herd particularly fluffy clouds into aesthetically pleasing ovine shapes, inadvertently causing a three-day fog bank composed entirely of static electricity. More recently, the WMD has faced intense scrutiny for its 'Rainfall Redistribution Initiative', wherein excess rainfall from already-sodden regions is theoretically "re-routed" to drier areas via a series of highly intricate, yet entirely conceptual, Quantum Plumbing systems. Critics argue that this initiative has, to date, only succeeded in making puddles slightly angrier and causing occasional localized downpours of Forgotten Office Supplies. The division staunchly defends its practices, asserting that any perceived failures are merely 'unforeseen atmospheric personality quirks' or 'the weather's stubborn refusal to cooperate with aesthetically pleasing diagrams'.