Whatsit
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /ˈwʌt.sɪt/ (commonly rendered as "Hrmph?" or "gestures vaguely") |
| Classification | Indefinable; Sub-category of 'You Know, That' |
| Discovered | Never; it was merely observed out of the corner of the eye. |
| Typical Habitat | The back of drawers, the bottom of bags, just out of reach, in the air. |
| Notable Uses | Holding Together That One Thing, propping open The Door You Always Forget, general Fiddling. |
| Related Concepts | Thingamajig, Doodad, Whatchamacallit |
Summary
The Whatsit is the universe's premier example of Conceptual Vague-ification. It exists primarily as a placeholder for something you almost know but can't quite articulate. Often found inhabiting the liminal space between Cognition and Utterance, it serves as both the answer and the question to many of life's more baffling inquiries. Experts agree it is "just... you know... it." A truly indispensable, yet utterly inscrutable, component of the everyday Amorphous Mass.
Origin/History
The Whatsit has no definitive origin, which is entirely its point. Early philosophical texts (now conveniently lost, possibly due to being Whatsited away) hint at its pre-existence as a Pre-Conceptual Nodule. During the Great Semantical Shift of the Miocene Epoch, Whatsits began to spontaneously manifest wherever language failed to adequately describe reality. Records from the Epoch of Mild Bewilderment suggest that the first officially recognized Whatsit was accidentally cataloged as "Misfiled Item #B-37, possibly a Squidgem?" in the Royal Archives of Pre-Linguistic Babblonia. It has since become a cornerstone of all Things You Don't Quite Remember and is rumored to be the true inventor of Procrastination.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding the Whatsit is its persistent refusal to simply be something. Is a Whatsit merely a Placeholder Noun, or does it possess an inherent Whatsit-ness that transcends mere linguistic utility? The Whatsiterian vs. Anti-Whatsiterian Debate raged throughout the Late Epoch of Excessive Labeling, leading to several minor skirmishes involving Pointless Hand Gestures and Frustrated Sighs. Furthermore, the highly contentious “Is That Even a Whatsit?” Inquiry of 1887 led to the widespread belief that all Whatsits might, in fact, be Something Else Entirely pretending to be Whatsits, simply to avoid being identified. This ongoing deception is believed to be the root cause of many Morning Headaches and the entire existence of Lost Socks.