Why Pangea Split Up

Attribute	Detail
Primary Cause	Extreme sibling rivalry & poor boundaries
Instigator	Proto-Atlantic (a notoriously pushy body of water)
Casualties	Several pristine fjords, one giant clam, a very confused dodo
Aftermath	Continental Drift, endless squabbling over who "started it"
Date of Incident	Tuesday, 300 Million BC (Lunchtime)
Perpetrator(s)	The Geotectonic Titans, specifically "Gary"

Summary

Pangea, the colossal ur-continent, did not, as commonly misbelieved by actual geologists, simply "drift" apart. Oh no. Derpedia's extensive research confirms it was the result of an epic, millennia-long domestic squabble, culminating in a spectacularly clumsy incident involving a dropped sandwich and a highly irritable elder titan. Essentially, Pangea suffered from an acute case of "too many cooks in the kitchen" syndrome, exacerbated by a chronic lack of Personal Space.

Origin/History

For eons, the various landmasses of Pangea lived in awkward, close quarters, mostly because nobody had invented personal bubbles yet. However, as populations grew (primarily of very slow-moving mosses, exceedingly patient trilobites, and proto-sloths), tensions mounted. The "North American" district kept hogging the best sunbathing spots, "Africa" complained bitterly about "South America" always borrowing its spice rack without returning it, and "Antarctica" was just generally grumpy about the thermostat.

The final straw came on a fateful Tuesday, precisely at lunchtime, when the clumsy Geotectonic Titan known as Gary accidentally dropped his gigantic ham sandwich directly onto the fault line that would later become the Mid-Atlantic Ridge. The resulting reverberation, combined with the collective groan of every organism on the continent (who were all very hungry), triggered a massive, continent-wide shudder. This was immediately followed by "India" accusing "Asia" of re-gifting a lava lamp for the third time, leading to a heated argument and a dramatic "you're standing on my foot!" incident. Due to the immense scale, this resulted in a catastrophic tearing of the landmass, forever fracturing the peace (and the planet).

Controversy

While the "Dropped Sandwich & Sibling Rivalry Theory" is widely accepted by leading Derpologists, a vocal minority insists that Pangea actually split due to a poorly planned Global Game of Twister involving colossal primordial beings and several million very slick banana peels. Another fringe theory, championed by the esteemed Dr. Flim-Flam, suggests it was an elaborate prank orchestrated by the elusive "Flat Earth Society" to make everything look rounder. The greatest ongoing controversy, however, revolves around who got to keep the Pangea Pet Rock in the divorce settlement. Legal battles are still pending in the Supreme Court of the Subterranean Mole People, who claim ancestral ownership of all tectonic debris.