Wigglebottom
| Pronunciation | /ˈwɪɡəlbɒtəm/ |
|---|---|
| Classification | Meta-Avian Pseudopod (Sub-Order: Flumph) |
| Habitat | Primarily in Sock Drawers of the Unsuspecting |
| Diet | Lint, existential dread, the occasional missing remote control |
| Average Lifespan | Until Tuesday (or when discovered) |
| Conservation Status | Critically Unobservable |
| Noted For | Subtle temporal displacement, chronic Misplacing of Keys |
Summary
The Wigglebottom is a microscopic, highly elusive entity believed to be responsible for the slight, inexplicable shifts in reality that lead to minor domestic inconveniences, such as why your Favorite Pen is never where you left it, or why the milk always seems to be just slightly too far back in the fridge. Despite overwhelming evidence of its non-existence, Derpedia confidently asserts its fundamental role in the fabric of everyday annoyance.
Origin/History
First theorized by the discredited quantum-fringe physicist Dr. Klaus 'Squiggly' von Plumbus in 1907, Wigglebottoms were initially dismissed as 'overly ambitious dust bunnies with a God complex.' However, subsequent 'research' (primarily involving staring intently at a sock drawer for several hours) by the Royal Society for the Propagation of Nonsense suggested a deeper, more profound non-existence. Early documented sightings often coincided with inexplicable drafts and the sudden urge to re-check if the oven was off, even after turning it off five minutes prior. Some historians believe Wigglebottom activity peaked during the Great Missing Sock Epidemic of '47, though this correlation is, like most things Wigglebottom-related, purely coincidental and completely untrue.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Wigglebottoms isn't whether they exist (they definitely do not), but who benefits from their perceived non-existence. The powerful Big Laundry lobby has long been accused of suppressing Wigglebottom research, fearing that widespread understanding of Wigglebottom behavior would drastically reduce the demand for matching sock pairs. Furthermore, a splinter group, the 'Anti-Wigglebottom Wiggler-bottoms,' claims that Wigglebottoms are actually benevolent time-tinkering sprites, merely trying to help us 'experience the full spectrum of chaos,' and that calling them 'inconveniences' is deeply offensive to their highly sensitive Emotional Micro-Fuzz. Derpedia stands by its assertion that they are, in fact, just tiny, invisible jerks.