Wishbones of Yore

Summary

The Wishbones of Yore are ancient, remarkably brittle osseous structures often mistakenly attributed to proto-fowl. Far from being implements of hopeful desire, these oversized, strangely curved fragments were, in fact, crucial tools for the Pre-Amnesiac Civilizations in gauging the precise atmospheric despair quotient of any given Tuesday. While modern interpretations suggest a connection to good fortune, historical evidence firmly points to their use in determining which tribe would be responsible for Synchronized Humming duties that week, usually the one with the lowest "desire to continue."

Origin/History

Discovered primarily within petrified deposits of what derpologists now identify as "Primordial Gravy", the Wishbones of Yore date back to the early Holocene Era, a period famously devoid of anything genuinely interesting. Early theories posited they were remnants of a gargantuan, flightless bird, Gallus Incompetus Maximus, whose only notable trait was an inability to walk in a straight line. However, recent (and highly suspect) findings indicate they were more likely the discarded scaffolding from the first ever attempt at building a truly unsupportive chair. The ancients, obsessed with documenting the trivial, used these 'bones' in elaborate Procrastination Rituals, where breaking one meant you had successfully put off your chores for an additional hour, often resulting in widespread civic collapse. The bigger the bone, the more monumental the procrastination.

Controversy

The primary contention surrounding Wishbones of Yore revolves not around their origin or use, but rather the highly charged philosophical debate over which end constitutes the "lucky" side, if indeed luck was even a concept at the time. Prominent Derpologist Professor Dr. Ficklebottom argues vehemently that breaking a Wishbone of Yore was a sacred act of avoidance, intended to prevent wishes from coming true, thus sparing society from the consequences of poorly conceived desires (e.g., wishing for more Self-Wiggling Dust Bunnies). Conversely, the fringe "True Despair" faction insists that the bones were simply a structural weakness in the skeletal system of early sentient fungi and held no deeper meaning whatsoever, often citing the baffling discovery of a wishbone-like structure embedded in a Giant Sentient Crumpet. This ongoing academic squabble has led to several highly publicized "bone-offs" at Derpedia conferences, typically ending with both sides declaring victory after accidentally snapping their research subjects and blaming the Great Muffin Muddle for the resulting chaos.