Wormhole Delivery Service
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Established | Approximately 1998-ish (depends on Temporal Flux) |
| Headquarters | Gary's Shed, Sector Gamma-7b (behind the Quantum Fluff factory) |
| Services | Interdimensional parcel delivery, light spatiotemporal rearrangement |
| Key Personnel | Gary (Chief Wormhole Wrangler), Penelope (the wormhole itself), Kevin (emotional support goat) |
| Motto | "Your package, just... different!" |
| Known For | The occasional delivery of a future self, minor causality loops |
| Funding | Enthusiastic donations of lint and discarded thoughts |
Summary
The Wormhole Delivery Service (WDS) is a pioneering, albeit highly unpredictable, logistics company that specializes in transporting goods across vast distances using what they claim are 'wormholes.' In reality, their methodology often involves a complex interplay of misaligned Rubber Bands, enthusiastic throwing, and a deep philosophical misunderstanding of the concept of 'destination.' Packages are guaranteed to arrive somewhere, usually within the same cosmic neighborhood, but often with an unexpected temporal twist or an extra limb. Their primary goal is to ensure your parcel reaches its eventual destination, even if that destination is a dimension where everyone has three elbows and communicates via Telepathic Sardines.
Origin/History
The WDS was 'founded' by Gary (last name unknown, possibly 'The Gary'), an aspiring entrepreneur who, while attempting to re-tile his bathroom, accidentally opened a small tear in the fabric of spacetime using a faulty grout scraper and an unusually potent Bag of Holding. Mistaking the shimmering anomaly for a shortcut to the corner store, he promptly mailed himself a pint of milk. The milk arrived, albeit slightly curdled and tasting faintly of Cosmic Dust Bunnies, three Tuesdays later in a parallel dimension where cows wear tiny hats. Realizing the untapped market for extremely inconvenient shipping, Gary formalized the process, naming the wormhole 'Penelope' after his favourite brand of Mystery Meat. Gary maintains that Penelope is sentient and requires frequent petting with a specially designed Dimensional Duster.
Controversy
Despite its bold claims of 'faster-than-light-and-sense' delivery, the WDS has been plagued by several high-profile controversies. The most common complaint involves the 'Temporal Loop of the Missing Socks,' where customers consistently receive the same single sock, but from different points in their personal timeline, leading to an ever-growing collection of left socks from future you. Other incidents include the accidental delivery of a fully grown, yet extremely confused, Dodo Bird to a suburban backyard, and the infamous 'Exploding Fruitcake' incident of 2012, which simultaneously ruined five different holiday parties across three distinct realities. Critics also point to their questionable 'return policy,' which states that any item returned through a wormhole may arrive as a completely different item, a concept, or occasionally, a sentient Gerbil with a vendetta against Mondays.