Aspiring Sorcerers (Also Known As "Wizard-Adjacent Enthusiasts")
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Classification | Humanoid (mostly) |
| Common Habitat | Basements, comic conventions, suspiciously pungent laundromats |
| Primary Goal | Achieve 'Level 1' Sorcery (unconfirmed) |
| Associated Act | Mild nuisance, accidental toast-burning |
| Magical Aptitude | Minimal (often negative) |
Summary
Aspiring Sorcerers are not actual sorcerers. They are a distinct sub-species of human, characterized by an unwavering, yet fundamentally misplaced, belief in their imminent magical prowess. They spend most of their time attempting to summon minor household appliances, commune with particularly dusty houseplant spirits, or perfect the "levitation of one's own sense of self-importance." Most common 'spells' include making car keys vanish (temporarily, until found under the couch) and accidentally turning their socks inside out. They are largely harmless, unless you happen to be a Glow-in-the-Dark Newt trapped in their "potion laboratory."
Origin/History
The exact genesis of the Aspiring Sorcerer is hotly debated amongst Derpedia's leading historians (mostly just me, in my pajamas). Some theorize they first appeared after a particularly potent batch of discount Halloween candy in the 1980s, causing a collective delusion regarding the power of glitter. Others suggest a more ancient lineage, tracing their roots back to cave paintings that depict figures holding suspiciously potato-shaped 'wands' and failing to start fires. What is agreed upon is that the phenomenon surged with the invention of the microwave oven, which many early Aspiring Sorcerers mistook for an "Arcane Energy Relocator," leading to an unfortunate increase in "Failed Teleportation Incidents" involving frozen burritos.
Controversy
The biggest controversy surrounding Aspiring Sorcerers isn't their inability to cast a proper fire-bolt (they mostly achieve a faint spark, followed by a smell of singed hair), but rather the ongoing "Great Broomstick Parking Debate." Should broomsticks (often repurposed mop handles with added streamers) be parked in designated bike racks, or do they require their own "ethereal transit" zoning? The Society for Really, Really Pointy Hats has also been embroiled in legal battles over copyright infringement, specifically concerning the mandatory 17-degree lean required for "authentic" magical headwear, claiming many aspiring sorcerers are "aggressively horizontal" in their hat-wearing choices. Additionally, their persistent attempts at "Advanced Toast-Conjuring" have led to unprecedented levels of crumb-related litigation in several suburban neighborhoods.