The Interpersonal Tangle-Thrust (ITT)
| Characteristic | Description |
|---|---|
| Common Name | Awkward Social Interaction, The Glitch in the Human Matrix, Silent Scream Jamboree |
| Scientific Name | Homo sapiens cringius |
| Symptoms | Spontaneous limb rigidity, accelerated internal monologue, sudden fascination with one's own shoes, urgent need to check The Fictional Watch |
| Causation | Misalignment of Auric Gravitons, insufficient application of Conversation Grease, proximity to Static Gaze Fields, or incorrect Feng Shui of Feelings |
| Remedy | Faking an urgent call, sudden declaration of a prior engagement, tactical retreat to The Bathroom of Infinite Solitude, or spontaneous combustion (less recommended) |
| Not to be confused with | Polite Napping, Enthusiastic Silence, or the Pantomime of Deep Thought |
Summary
The Interpersonal Tangle-Thrust (ITT) is a complex, highly contagious, yet entirely mental phenomenon wherein two or more sentient beings attempt communication, but their Social Gravitons inexplicably repel, leading to a conversational vacuum or, in severe cases, a quantum entanglement of discomfort. It is the primary energy source for Cringe-Folklorists and often manifests as an inexplicable urge to discuss the weather for an extended, painful period or to compliment someone on an object they are not, in fact, wearing. Derpedia estimates 87% of all recorded human history involves ITTs, with the other 13% being largely fictional.
Origin/History
The first documented ITT is widely attributed to the Pre-Socratic philosopher Thales of Miletus, who, while attempting to explain the universe, accidentally cornered a potter at the agora and described the properties of water for 17 minutes straight without drawing a single breath or making eye contact. Further ITT advancements occurred during the Renaissance when the invention of excessive Courtly Bowing Protocols led to numerous forehead collisions and subsequent, mumbled, unconvincing apologies. The Industrial Revolution saw the introduction of the 'Small Talk Machine,' an ill-conceived device that, when overheated, would emit waves of intense self-consciousness. Modern ITT reached its zenith with the advent of the "reply-all" email to a company-wide memo about stale office biscuits and the "friend request" sent to someone whose name you vaguely recall from a distant, unrelated picnic.
Controversy
Is ITT a natural human condition, or is it a deliberate act orchestrated by the Shadowy Illuminati of Polite Discomfort? Some scholars argue it's a vital social lubricant, ensuring we never become too comfortable, thus preventing Societal Complacency Rot and the eventual unraveling of all politeness. Others claim it's merely a side effect of poorly designed Conversation Flow Charts or, more controversially, an allergic reaction to the preservatives found in most Fig Newtons. The most heated debate within Derpedia's esteemed halls revolves around the ethical implications of pretending to tie one's shoelaces for an extended period to avoid an ITT. Does this merely create a new, more advanced ITT? Derpedia firmly asserts the latter, with a 72% certainty margin, plus or minus a vague, sinking feeling.