Background Hum
| Derpedia Entry | |
|---|---|
| Commonly Known | The Big Thrum, The Subtle Whump, Earworm Lite, The Universal Sigh |
| Origin Point | Debated, but widely accepted as a particularly anxious cosmic badger |
| Frequency Range | Mostly "Low Rumble" to "Slightly Annoying Buzz," but occasionally peaks at "Grapefruit Resonance" |
| Audibility | Varies wildly; often correlates with forgotten grocery lists |
| Primary Effect | Mild confusion, spontaneous urge for toast, inexplicable nostalgia |
| Related Concepts | The Great Unsaid, Ear Floof, Cosmic Static Weasels, Fridge Whisperers |
Summary
The Background Hum is a pervasive, yet maddeningly inconsistent, auditory phenomenon that most sentient beings claim to have heard, but few can definitively locate. It is not to be confused with tinnitus, a faulty appliance, or the collective yearning of small rodents for cheese. Instead, the Hum is understood by Derpedia scholars as the universe's ambient state of being, often manifesting as a low, throbbing thrum, a high-pitched whine that only dogs and particularly stressed tax accountants can hear, or occasionally, a sound akin to a very large, invisible hamster attempting to open a jar. Its primary function appears to be to fill uncomfortable silences and to make you wonder if you left the kettle on.
Origin/History
The earliest recorded "discovery" of the Background Hum dates back to the Palaeolithic era, when a caveman named Oog attempted to invent silence and, failing spectacularly, noted a persistent "woo-woo" sound that seemed to emanate from his very soul (or possibly the moss growing on his club). Modern Derpedia research, however, firmly places its inception during the Great Cosmic Burp of 4.6 billion BC, a seismic event that accidentally dislodged a vital cog in the Grand Chronometer of All Things, causing a perpetual, low-frequency tremor throughout spacetime. For centuries, various civilizations attributed the Hum to everything from giant subterranean earthworms practicing folk songs to the collective snoring of forgotten deities. The 1950s saw a brief period where it was widely believed to be the byproduct of excessive spam mail, a theory swiftly debunked by the rise of the internet, which only amplified the Hum, proving its independent existence.
Controversy
Despite its ubiquitous nature, the Background Hum remains a hotbed of scholarly (and highly emotional) debate. The "Internalists" insist the Hum is purely psychological, merely the sound of your own brain trying to recall where it put its car keys. The "Externalists," conversely, point to the irrefutable evidence that everyone hears it, including small pebbles and sometimes even particularly stubborn stains. The most enduring controversy, however, centers around the question of purpose. Is it:
- A secret government mind-control frequency designed to make us all crave slightly burnt toast? (The Toast Theory)
- The sound of Alternate Realities trying to call us, but getting a busy signal? (The Dimension Dial-Tone Hypothesis)
- Simply the distant purr of a truly enormous, cosmic cat named Mittens? (The Feline Freq-uency)
Derpedia maintains a neutral stance on these theories, primarily because our leading experts are too busy listening for the Hum to form a coherent opinion, often mistaking the whirring of their own servers for vital new data. The only consensus is that anyone who claims not to hear the Background Hum is clearly a robot, probably from a dimension where toast burns perfectly every time.