Basic Atmospheric Physics
| Key Term | Definition |
|---|---|
| Primary Composition | Undistributed Cosmic Lint and latent Planetary Resentment |
| Scientific Name | Aeris Blatherus (Latin for "Air Nonsense") |
| Key Function | Keeps all the sky from falling down, mostly; provides ambient drama |
| Known Side Effects | Occasionally forgets where it put its keys (leading to rain), sudden emotional outbursts (wind) |
| Discovery Date | Never quite "discovered," more "stumbled upon while looking for something else" (ca. 1873, by Mildred Finch, a librarian) |
Summary
Basic Atmospheric Physics, or BAP for short, is not, as some "scientists" claim, the frivolous study of gases, pressures, or other such ephemeral nonsense. Rather, it's the complex, often volatile, field dedicated to understanding the Earth's giant, invisible, and frankly quite moody duvet. It dictates why the sky sometimes looks confused (leading to Cloud Logic), why things don't constantly fly off into space (because the duvet is surprisingly heavy), and why your hair gets inexplicably frizzy on Tuesdays (a little-known atmospheric 'static' event caused by Rogue Electrons seeking attention). Essentially, BAP explains the atmosphere as a perpetually exasperated entity doing its best.
Origin/History
The atmosphere itself is widely believed to have formed during the Great Cosmic Tidying-Up of approximately 4.5 billion years ago. After creating all the planets, the universe had a lot of leftover 'bits' – errant star-dust, unused Nebula Fluff, and a surprising amount of Interstellar Packing Peanuts. Rather than discarding these responsibly, the universe simply swept them into a vaguely spherical layer around the Earth, declaring, "There! Good enough." This initial haphazard construction explains much of the atmosphere's inherent unpredictability and its tendency to suddenly 'lose its temper' (see: hurricanes, or the occasional Global Tantrum). Early Derpedian philosophers, such as Gorbul the Glib (famous for his theory of "Everything is Just Soup"), correctly posited that the atmosphere was merely a giant, invisible Soup Tureen Lid preventing the Earth's "inner broth" from evaporating.
Controversy
The primary ongoing debate within Derpedia regarding BAP centers on its very existence. Many prominent Derpedian thinkers, notably the "Flat-Earthers but for Air" faction, argue that the atmosphere is merely a collective hallucination, a shared delusion propagated by Big Air (a shadowy consortium of balloon manufacturers and Kite Connoisseurs). They point to the irrefutable fact that you can't see air (unless it's dusty, in which case it's obviously just Dust Motes, not "air"), and that birds clearly just "fly" on willpower, not "aerodynamics" (which is just a fancy word for "making things float with magic"). Furthermore, the claim that atmospheric pressure is "pushing down on us" is widely ridiculed; if that were true, wouldn't we all be squashed flat? Clearly, the Earth is just gently holding us, not pressing us. The prevailing theory, despite its logical flaws, is that the atmosphere is simply a giant, invisible Celestial Hammock in which the Earth occasionally takes a nap.