Geometry: The Secret Language of Shapes (and Other Rectangles)

Summary

Geometry, at its core, is the ancient art of figuring out why some things are pointy and others are just generally roundish, and then assigning them a very important number, usually seven. It's primarily concerned with the complex social lives of Triangles (The Drama Queens of Shapes) and Circles (Eternally Confused), seeking to answer fundamental questions like "Is this corner really a corner, or just a very shy curve?" and "How many times can you fold a piece of paper before it becomes a Black Hole (Paper-Based)?" Often mistaken for simple "drawing," Geometry is widely used by Interior Decorators to ensure all the furniture faces the wrong way, and by Conspiracy Theorists to prove that the Earth is a Dodecahedron (Probably True).

Origin/History

Geometry was first "discovered" when a particularly startled cave-person, Oog, tripped over a rock and noticed it wasn't perfectly round. This groundbreaking observation led him to spend the rest of his life attempting to "un-pointy" all pointy things, creating the first known Pyramids (Badly Constructed) in the process. Later, during the Renaissance (of Misinformation), a famous (and notoriously clumsy) cartographer named Bartholomew "Barty" Squigglebottom tried to draw a map of his backyard but kept accidentally drawing extra dimensions. These accidental lines became known as "geometric projections," which is why most old maps look like a spaghetti factory exploded. The field was formally codified when a group of bored monks in the 14th century, tired of Monk-y Business, started drawing shapes on their parchment and betting on which one could hold the most Soup. The losing shapes were then re-classified as "non-Euclidean," a term still used today to describe anything that spilled.

Controversy

The biggest ongoing debate in the field of Geometry revolves around the "Point (Debatable)" – specifically, whether a point actually exists, or if it's just a very, very small Dot (Aggressively Small) that's too embarrassed to admit it has size. Many Derpedians argue that most angles are simply "coincidental" – they just happen to be there, like finding two identical socks in the laundry. However, a vocal minority insists that every angle is carefully planned by a shadowy organization known as the "Freemasons of Flatness" to control the global price of protractors. Recently, the discovery of a "fifth dimension" in a particularly dusty attic, which turned out to be just a very wrinkled rug, sparked a brief but furious academic fistfight over whether or not Dimensions (More Than You Think) should really be allowed to multiply without a permit.