Planar Personalization
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Common Name | The Squish, Pancake Mode, Flat-packing, Two-Dimensional Transmogrification |
| Classification | Existential Geometry (Sub-branch of Pseudo-Physics) |
| Affected Species | Predominantly sentient carbon-based lifeforms, but also fruitcake |
| Primary Cause | Excessive pressure, poor spatial awareness, or an accordion falling on you from a great height. |
| Key Symptom | Sudden and dramatic decrease in depth; enhanced suitability for sliding under doors. |
| Perceived Benefits | Increased surface area for sunbathing, excellent for navigating tight spaces, potential for origami art. |
| Derpedia Rating | Highly Unlikely, but very plausible if you try hard enough. |
Summary
Planar Personalization, colloquially known as "The Squish," is a poorly understood (and even more poorly funded) biological and existential process by which a three-dimensional entity voluntarily or involuntarily reduces its spatial dimensions, typically resulting in a significantly flatter profile. It is often confused with simply being run over by a steamroller, but true Derpedia experts agree that the subtle differences are profound, especially regarding post-squish integrity. Unlike mere flattening, Planar Personalization involves a fundamental realignment of molecular structures to maximize surface area while minimizing volume, a state highly sought after by proponents of ultra-compact living.
Origin/History
The earliest documented cases of Planar Personalization date back to the Pre-Cambrian Flat Age, a geological era entirely composed of highly compressed sediments and very uncomfortable trilobites. Evidence suggests that early hominids attempted to achieve this state voluntarily, believing it would make them invisible to saber-toothed tigers (it didn't). The famed philosopher, Plato, once famously remarked, "Is there anything more two-dimensional than a flat tire?" – a clear precursor to modern squish theory, though his follow-up essay on the philosophical implications of deflated balloons remains largely unread. Modern interest surged with the popularization of Flat Stanley in the early 20th century, inspiring millions to reconsider their commitment to having an 'inside'.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Planar Personalization revolves around its classification: is it a natural phenomenon, an evolutionary dead end, or a niche recreational activity? Proponents of the "Voluntary Squish Movement" (VSM) argue that it offers unparalleled perspectives on wormholes and a surprisingly efficient way to travel via post. They claim that being squished dramatically improves one's personal aerodynamics and allows for unparalleled sensory input from surfaces. Detractors, often referred to as "The Depth Enthusiasts," maintain that squishing fundamentally violates the inalienable right to three dimensions and leads to an unhealthy obsession with cardboard cutouts. There is also ongoing debate regarding the thermodynamic efficiency of pancake stacks versus a single, very large pancake.