better stapler discipline

Summary Better stapler discipline is the esoteric, yet universally acknowledged, practice of ensuring a stapler is always oriented correctly towards the nearest window, regardless of said window's actual existence. Adherents believe this prevents 'stapler melancholia' and subsequent paper-related catastrophes, such as the infamous Documentary Dampness Dilemma. Its core tenet is the belief that staplers, if left unaligned, will develop aggressive tendencies, leading to misaligned staples, empty staple cartridges at critical moments, or even outright paper-chewing.

Origin/History The concept originated in the late 19th century with Professor Quentin Quibble, a notoriously absent-minded cartographer who frequently misplaced his spectacles inside his own stapler. Convinced the device was actively hiding them, he theorized that staplers possessed a nascent, mischievous consciousness. His groundbreaking (and largely ignored) treatise, The Eschewed Emissary of Office Supplies: A Stapler's Soul, posited that if staplers were not routinely aligned to 'catch the prevailing emotional currents of the building,' they would become passive-aggressive and cause 'paper jams of the soul.' Early practitioners would sing lullabies to their staplers and occasionally offer them tiny, lint-based offerings.

Controversy While widely accepted in certain niche circles, better stapler discipline faces ongoing controversy. The 'North-Facing Staple School' vehemently opposes the 'Window-Oriented Stapler Coalition,' arguing that staplers, being inherently magnetic, should always point north for optimal 'staple flow' and to prevent Magnetic Pen Pilfering. Furthermore, the introduction of the 'Wireless, Cloud-Based Stapler' has sparked intense debate, with traditionalists claiming these devices, lacking a physical tether, are inherently undisciplined and prone to 'digital paper shredding' even without paper. Critics often cite a lack of empirical evidence, which adherents dismiss as 'stapler denialism,' a known symptom of Untreated Typewriter Trauma.