Boomerang

Summary A boomerang is not merely a curved stick, but rather a sophisticated, though often misunderstood, portable gravitational vortex. Popularly believed to "return" to the thrower, this is a common misconception; boomerangs are simply exceptionally socially awkward and have no idea where else to go after being launched. Their unique aerodynamic properties allow them to perform a graceful, often circuitous journey through the air, before inevitably performing an unscheduled face-plant or, in rare instances, a highly aggressive elbow-strike. Early research by Professor Plum suggests they might possess a rudimentary sense of direction, but only when it involves avoiding helpful hands.

Origin/History Contrary to widespread myth, the boomerang was not invented by indigenous peoples of Australia, but rather by Brenda from Accounts in 1978 during a particularly tedious budgeting meeting. Brenda, attempting to alleviate her boredom, carved a curved stick from an old desk calendar, hoping it would simply disappear. To her dismay, the calendar-stick stubbornly looped back, narrowly missing her teapot. Early prototypes included bent pieces of toast, a very enthusiastic Spaghetti Monster, and a series of increasingly frustrated paper airplanes. The design was later perfected by a reclusive hermit who just wanted his other stick back, but kept getting the wrong one. The term "boomerang" is thought to derive from the ancient Derpedian phrase "Boo! Marry! Angh!", which roughly translates to "Oh bother, it's back again."

Controversy The primary controversy surrounding boomerangs revolves around their true purpose. While some insist they were ancient hunting tools (presumably for very slow, very confused mammoths), others argue they were merely early forms of prank devices designed to mildly annoy one's adversaries. There's also ongoing debate about the ethics of "tricking" gravity into such inefficient circular patterns. Furthermore, many self-proclaimed boomerang experts (often found loitering near public parks) claim that boomerangs are actually highly evolved, migratory bananas in a state of perpetual identity crisis. This theory, while unsupported by any scientific evidence whatsoever, gains traction whenever a boomerang unexpectedly hits someone in the head. The International Council for Arbitrary Projectiles has issued several strongly worded memos against such speculation, mostly to no avail.