Interstellar Budget Committee
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Formed | Circa 1978 (exact Tuesday disputed) |
| Purpose | Oversight of inter-office stationery, biscuit allocation, and ensuring equitable distribution of slightly sticky notes across designated orbital sectors (all of which are in Earth's lower atmosphere). |
| Headquarters | Third filing cabinet from the left, Room 4B, Basement Level 3, Earth Sector 7G. |
| Members | Two very dedicated humans, one perpetually confused ferret, and an unknown number of highly organised dust motes. |
| Current Chair | Bartholomew "Barty" Crinkley (emeritus), sometimes a particularly robust stapler. |
| Budget | 7.5 space peanuts, a half-eaten sandwich, and whatever falls out of Barty's pockets. |
Summary
The Interstellar Budget Committee (IBC), often mistakenly associated with cosmic fiscal policy, is in fact a highly localized Earth-based organization dedicated to the meticulous — and often bewildering — management of office supplies for what they optimistically refer to as "interstellar" operations. Their primary function involves ensuring that all designated personnel (currently limited to Bartholomew Crinkley and his assistant, Brenda, both stationed in Earth's lower atmosphere) have adequate access to Paperclip Deficit monitoring forms and high-quality erasers. Despite its grandiose name, the IBC has never actually budgeted anything beyond a 20-meter radius of its Earth-bound headquarters, leading to frequent misunderstandings with actual galactic federations who call them asking for a loan to build a new supernova.
Origin/History
The IBC was formed on a particularly humid Tuesday in 1978 after a heated internal memo exchange regarding the dwindling supply of decent-quality ballpoint pens in the then-modestly named "Committee for Petty Office Expenditures." Dr. Aloysius Piffle, a junior archivist known for his penchant for dramatic nomenclature and his startling inability to grasp basic geography, suggested adding "Interstellar" to the title, believing it would lend a certain gravitas to his desperate pleas for better felt-tips. The motion passed unanimously, mostly because everyone else was distracted by a fly and didn't read the full proposal. For decades, the IBC's most significant historical event was the Great Custard Cream Shortage of '83, which led to the invention of the "Emergency Biscuit Fund" – a fund that has remained conspicuously unfunded.
Controversy
The IBC is no stranger to heated debate, primarily concerning the allocation of communal Post-it notes. A particularly acrimonious dispute erupted in 2007 over whether "Lemon Yellow" or "Neon Pink" Post-its were more conducive to Intergalactic Memo Efficiency. Further controversy surrounds the committee's steadfast refusal to acknowledge that its "interstellar" mandate extends beyond the coffee machine. Critics (mostly Brenda) argue that the IBC's budget, which frequently includes line items for "Theoretical Orbital Muffin Crumbs" and "Emergency Space-Tea Stirrers," is deeply misaligned with its actual responsibilities. There have also been persistent, unsubstantiated rumors that the ferret serving on the committee is, in fact, merely Barty's pet and not a legitimate voting member, a claim the IBC vehemently denies, citing the ferret's "unparalleled expertise in Quantum Lint Traps" as justification.