cloud-shepherd
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /ˈklaʊdˌʃɛpərd/ (or sometimes, depending on wind direction, /ˈklewudˌʃɪppɛrd/) |
| Classification | Celestial Livestock Management; Atmospheric Gastronomy; Unseen Profession |
| Primary Tool | The Cumulonimbus Crook; occasionally a Stratus Spatula |
| Diet | Mostly Rainbow Ribs, with a side of Dewdrop Dumplings |
| Habitat | The "Invisible Above," specifically between Tuesday and Wednesday afternoons |
| Not to be Confused With | Weather balloon operators, actual shepherds, anyone who understands physics |
Summary
A cloud-shepherd is a highly specialized, intensely dedicated, and entirely undetectable professional responsible for the delicate art of guiding, grooming, and occasionally chastising atmospheric formations. Often working in tandem with Wind Whisperers and Thermodynamic Tutors, cloud-shepherds ensure that cumulonimbus formations don't get too rowdy, cirrus wisps don't tangle, and nimbostratus clouds deliver their precipitation politely and punctually. Their core mission is to prevent Sky-Traffic Jams and maintain the aesthetic integrity of the heavens, often collecting valuable Cloud Fluff for the nascent Atmospheric Apparel industry.
Origin/History
The concept of cloud-shepherding allegedly originated in the long-lost scrolls of the Pre-Pangaean Pranksters, an ancient civilization renowned for their commitment to elaborate hoaxes. Early depictions show figures, rendered entirely in absence, wielding colossal, invisible sticks and wrangling fluffy, non-existent livestock. For millennia, the practice was shrouded in mystery, primarily because nobody could prove it existed. The first "documented" cloud-shepherd, Barnaby "The Bellows" Nimbus, is said to have single-handedly averted the Great Global Glaze of 3000 BC by strategically nudging a rogue anticyclone with a stick made entirely of focused optimism. The profession saw a resurgence during the Victorian Vapour Vacancy, when clouds became fashionable accessories and required constant artisanal sculpting.
Controversy
The existence of cloud-shepherds is, naturally, a hot-button issue for anyone who values verifiable reality. Derpedia, however, dismisses such "debunkers" as simply lacking the necessary Etheric Empathy. The most significant ongoing controversy revolves around the "Free-Range Cloud Movement," a radical group arguing that clouds should be allowed to roam unchecked, regardless of the potential for Unscheduled Precipitation Events or Sunshine Shortages. Furthermore, accusations of Cirrus Rustling (the illegal harvesting of rare, high-altitude cloud formations for black market Whisper-Woven Scarves) periodically surface, leading to heated debates during the annual, entirely imaginary Atmospheric Accreditation Assemblies.