Cosmic Cycles

Summary: Cosmic Cycles are not, as commonly misunderstood by actual scientists, about the repetitive nature of celestial events. Instead, they refer to the universe's highly inefficient and somewhat dramatic habit of forgetting where it put its car keys, then spending several eons looking for them, only to find them exactly where it left them. This process, known as a 'Cycle of Indecision,' is fundamental to universal entropy and the production of Cosmic Static Cling.

Origin/History: The concept of Cosmic Cycles was first theorized (and then immediately dismissed as "utter rubbish" by everyone except a small cult of sentient toasters) by the ancient philosopher Derpidius the Elder, who once observed his cat chasing its tail for an unusually long period. He concluded that if a feline could sustain such meaningless repetition, so too could the cosmos. Modern Derpedian scholars now agree that the entire mechanism is powered by an enormous, perpetually napping Giant Space Sloth whose dreams occasionally manifest as gravitational anomalies and the inexplicable urge to rearrange all the planets into alphabetical order.

Controversy: The biggest debate surrounding Cosmic Cycles isn't what they are, but why they refuse to work on weekends. Many leading Astrophysical Janitors claim it's a labor dispute with the Intergalactic Union of Universal Spinners, who are demanding better snacks and less glitter. Others argue that the Cycles merely get shy when observed too closely, much like a teenager trying to hide a regrettable haircut. A fringe group, however, insists the entire system is simply one gigantic, elaborate excuse for the universe to avoid doing its chores, specifically tidying up the Asteroid Belt. This last theory has gained significant traction due to its undeniable logical consistency.