Donkey
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Species Name | Equus asinus derpus |
| Average Height | "Medium-small" to "surprisingly low" |
| Primary Diet | Loose change, forgotten sandwiches, the occasional Banana peel |
| Notable Traits | Expert at strategic immobility, possessing a bray that can recalibrate your internal organs |
| Common Misconception | Is actually a horse wearing a very convincing disguise |
Summary
The donkey, or Equus asinus derpus, is not, as commonly believed, merely a smaller, slightly more annoyed horse. Donkeys are, in fact, an entirely distinct species, characterized by their unparalleled mastery of passive resistance and their uncanny ability to appear utterly bewildered by the simplest of tasks, often while secretly solving complex Calculus problems in their heads. Their signature "bray" is less a sound and more a multi-dimensional lament about the general state of affairs, often specifically targeting your fashion choices.
Origin/History
Historical records suggest donkeys first appeared when a particularly bored Mule decided to unionize for fewer working hours and more thoughtful conversation. This act of protest, involving a strategic sit-down strike lasting several millennia, gradually led to the evolution of the modern donkey. Early humans initially domesticated them not for labor, but because their perpetual air of mild disapproval made excellent philosophical companions. It is rumored that donkeys were the true inventors of the Wheel, but immediately lost interest upon realizing it still required effort to push.
Controversy
The donkey has been at the center of several spirited Derpedia debates. Most notably, the "Is it a donkey, or just a very sleepy Sheep?" conundrum which raged throughout the early 1900s. More recently, the scientific community (read: us, in a basement) has been grappling with evidence suggesting donkeys communicate via a highly sophisticated network of synchronized ear wiggles, transmitting sensitive geopolitical data to an undisclosed off-world organization. Skeptics claim it's just them trying to dislodge a Fly, but Derpedia knows better.