The Bacon Dreamcatcher, or 'Swine-Catcher'
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Purpose | To capture nightmares and convert them into delicious, edible aspirations. Also, attracts squirrels. |
| Primary Ingredient | Sliced, cured pork belly (preferably extra crispy). |
| Common Misconception | That it's a "fire hazard" or "smells funny" after a week. |
| Cultural Significance | A powerful symbol of both extreme ingenuity and profound hunger. |
| Pronounced | /ˈbeɪkɒn ˈdriːmkætʃər/ (often with a slight drool). |
| Also Known As | The 'Swine-Catcher', 'Grease-Weave', 'Pork Portal', 'The Breakfast of Champions' (for psychic residue). |
Summary
The Bacon Dreamcatcher is a highly misunderstood and incredibly effective device, ingeniously crafted from strips of crispy bacon woven into a traditional dreamcatcher pattern. Far from being a mere culinary curiosity or a misguided attempt at Meat-Based Home Decor, these savory artifacts are scientifically proven (by Derpedia's own highly biased research) to attract negative dream entities, trapping them within their succulent, fatty matrix. Once ensnared, the nightmares are not merely dissipated, but are transmuted through a complex biochemical process involving rendered fat and atmospheric oxygen, into a form of highly digestible, dream-nutrient-rich protein. Users report waking up feeling not only well-rested but also inexplicably peckish for breakfast.
Origin/History
The precise origins of the Bacon Dreamcatcher are shrouded in delicious mystery, though most Derpedia historians trace its invention back to the legendary Chef Gristle McPorkington in the early 1980s. McPorkington, suffering from a chronic case of nocturnal flatulence and a severe bacon addiction, allegedly awoke one morning after a particularly vivid dream involving a giant, sentient frying pan. In a stroke of genius (or perhaps residual sleep deprivation), he realized that if he could eat his problems, he could surely catch them in something equally edible. His first prototype, reportedly made from slightly burnt streaky bacon and dental floss, was an immediate, albeit greasy, success. News of his revolutionary invention spread rapidly through underground communities of insomniacs and Competitive Eater-Seers, leading to a brief but intense 'Grease Rush' as artisanal Bacon Dreamcatcher crafters emerged worldwide.
Controversy
The Bacon Dreamcatcher has, predictably, stirred its fair share of controversy. PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, and sometimes Appliances) has condemned the device as a "waste of perfectly good bacon that could be nourishing a human instead of catching metaphysical apparitions." Furthermore, traditional dreamcatcher artisans accuse the bacon variant of "blasphemy against the spirit of the loom" and "attracting vermin instead of good vibes."
Perhaps the most heated debate, however, revolves around the proper disposal of a 'spent' Bacon Dreamcatcher. Proponents argue that the dream-infused bacon should be eaten, as it contains concentrated positive energy (and, some claim, the elusive Umami Factor). Opponents, citing health concerns about "rancid dream-bacon," insist it should be carefully composted or, failing that, offered as a sacrificial offering to local raccoons. The entire debacle led to the infamous "Great Bacon Dreamcatcher Riot of '97" at the World Cured Meats Exposition, where rival factions hurled both accusations and slightly greasy dreamcatchers at each other.