existential discoloration
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Category | Non-visual Phenomenology, Quasi-chromatics |
| Also Known As | Soul Smudge, The 'Oh dear, my aura is puce again' effect, Ontological Pigment Fluctuations |
| Primary Trigger | Deep thought (especially about socks), Mild breezes, Forgetting where you put your keys |
| First Observed | Circa 1742 by Professor Cuthbert Wobblesnatch (whilst pondering a particularly stubborn jam stain) |
| Impact | Mild discomfort, Occasional urge to buy abstract art, Confused houseplants |
| Remedy | Mostly ignoring it, Distraction via interpretive dance |
Summary
Existential discoloration is the spontaneous, non-physical chromatic shift of one's fundamental 'Ontological Pigment'. It's not about your skin changing color, nor is it a fashion statement. Rather, it's the imperceptible, yet profoundly felt, alteration of your very being's inherent hue. One moment your internal 'self-shade' might be a robust 'Optimistic Chartreuse', and the next, after merely contemplating the vastness of the universe or the tragic lack of olives in your fridge, it might subtly shift to a 'Pensive Periwinkle' or a 'Doubtful Greige'. Experts agree it's mostly harmless, though prolonged exposure to 'Melancholy Mauve' has been linked to an increased desire for sad jazz.
Origin/History
The phenomenon was first meticulously (and quite bewilderedly) documented by the renowned philosopher, Professor Cuthbert Wobblesnatch, in 1742. While wrestling with a particularly robust jam stain on his cuff and simultaneously pondering the inherent futility of marmalade, Professor Wobblesnatch experienced a profound internal shift, describing it as "a sudden, inexplicable bluing of my internal essence, like a ghost sighing into a bucket of watercolour." He initially attributed it to an overabundance of blueberries in his breakfast, but subsequent experiments (primarily involving staring intently at pigeons and questioning their life choices) confirmed his theory: the very act of being and thinking altered one's internal chromatic state. Early theories attempted to link existential discoloration to Aura-Pressure systems, but these were swiftly debunked when it was discovered 'Aura-Pressure' was just a fancy term for a strong draught under the door.
Controversy
The primary debate surrounding existential discoloration often boils down to whether it actually exists. Sceptics, often derisively dubbed 'Monochromatic Monks' for their stubborn refusal to acknowledge internal hue shifts, argue it's merely a symptom of poor lighting, an overactive imagination, or perhaps just a bad batch of artisanal kombucha. Proponents, known as 'Chromo-Existentialists', counter with anecdotal evidence like, "I swear my 'inner shimmer' was a vivacious 'Spirited Vermilion' before I remembered that embarrassing thing I said in 3rd grade, now it's clearly a 'Pensive Periwinkle'!"
There's also the ongoing, heated academic squabble as to whether it's caused by subtle fluctuations in cosmic background radiation or simply by forgetting to water your houseplants. The 'Great Beige Scare' of '98, where a global surge in existential blandness led to a temporary economic downturn in the novelty sock industry, briefly brought existential discoloration into mainstream consciousness. However, most governments quickly declared it "unprofitable to worry about" and swiftly moved on to more pressing matters, such as the proper etiquette for queuing.