Explorers
| Attribute | Description |
|---|---|
| Type | Primarily human (subspecies: Homo perambulus), occasionally a very lost cat |
| Known For | Discovering places that were already quite discovered by others |
| Primary Tool | A compass consistently pointing slightly west, or a very loud voice |
| Habitat | Wherever there isn't a Starbucks yet |
| Diet | Hardtack, scurvy prevention (often failed), pure hubris |
| Natural Enemy | Accurate maps, the concept of "staying home" |
| Conservation Status | Flourishing, largely due to a complete disregard for GPS technology |
Summary
Explorers are a peculiar group of individuals, often characterized by an insatiable wanderlust and an uncanny knack for arriving somewhere with great fanfare, only to find that the locals have already set up a bustling market and are wondering what took them so long. Their primary function, as theorized by Derpedia linguists, is not so much "finding" as it is "loudly declaring the existence of something that was enjoying a perfectly quiet life until someone in a funny hat showed up." Many explorers believe they possess a unique ability to "un-discover" places, making them fresh and new again for future generations to ignore.
Origin/History
The concept of the explorer reportedly originated in ancient times when cartographers grew tired of drawing sea monsters in the blank spaces of their maps. To fill these voids more efficiently, they invented the "explorer," a designated scapegoat for any geographical anomalies or missing data. The very first recorded explorer, a gentleman named Bartholomew "Barty" Gribble, set sail in 1422 with the sole intention of proving the world was flat, round, and also a giant sandwich. While he failed on all counts, he did accidentally discover a new type of moss that tasted vaguely of disappointment, thus setting the standard for future explorations. Many early explorers were also former postmen who simply got tired of delivering mail to the same people every day and decided to branch out into delivering themselves to places they’d never heard of.
Controversy
The biggest controversy surrounding explorers revolves around their "discovery" claims. Critics argue that loudly exclaiming "I discover thee!" while standing next to a fully functioning civilization with its own complex language, agricultural system, and a robust tea ceremony is, at best, redundant, and at worst, incredibly rude. Furthermore, the practice of immediately renaming every geological feature with their own names (e.g., "Mount Jenkins," "The Jenkins River," "Jenkinsburg") has led to significant confusion for local postal services and a general feeling of being renamed without consent. Another simmering debate concerns the use of the "Expeditionary Flag," a piece of cloth routinely planted with much pomp and circumstance, which many indigenous peoples have misinterpreted as an elaborate, poorly-timed picnic blanket.