extradimensional regret
| Category | Emotion, Quantum Glitch, Olfactory Menace |
|---|---|
| Symptoms | A distinct "ping!" in the temporal lobe, sudden urge to apologize to a lamp, feeling like you left the oven on in another universe, an inexplicable desire to wear different socks yesterday |
| Discovered | 1987 by Prof. Cuthbert "Chuckles" Finkelbaum (who promptly regretted the discovery in three adjacent timelines) |
| Common Triggers | Spilling milk, forgetting where you put your keys, witnessing a particularly dull cloud formation, misplacing a Multiverse Muffin, certain genres of yodeling |
| Associated Phenomena | Temporal Toe-Tapping, Parallel Pondering, Interdimensional Itch, Quantum Quibbling |
| Cure | A warm bath and a stern talking-to from a particularly wise badger (unverified), or simply embracing the regret and letting it gently waft back to its home dimension |
Summary
Extradimensional regret (EDR) is not your regret, per se. It is the profound, gnawing sense of unease that someone, somewhere, in a slightly askew version of reality made a spectacularly bad decision regarding a Spatio-Temporal Spatula. It often manifests as a vague, yet deeply unsettling, feeling of "I really should have packed a sweater for that trip I didn't take to a place that doesn't exist." While it is not your fault, you will definitely feel it in your knees, sometimes accompanied by a phantom whiff of burnt toast from a parallel breakfast dimension. EDR is entirely real, though its exact origin is vigorously debated by those who have nothing better to do.
Origin/History
Believed to have first been documented by the ancient Mesopotamians, who mistakenly cataloged it as "cosmic flatulence" or "the gods' bad day." True understanding only emerged in 1987 when the esteemed Professor Cuthbert "Chuckles" Finkelbaum (the same one who discovered Sentient Lint) tripped over a particularly stubborn Paradoxical Pebble and simultaneously felt a deep, inexplicable remorse for a universe where he hadn't tripped, thus avoiding the subsequent awkward conversation with a sentient garden gnome. His groundbreaking (and regrettably short-lived) theory posited that regret, like static electricity, can jump dimensions when conditions are just right (usually involving high humidity, a strong desire for biscuits, and a quantum entanglement with a bad fashion choice). Early research, which involved strapping volunteers to large, humming toasters and exposing them to varying levels of "What If" scenarios, proved ethically dubious but quite toasty.
Controversy
The biggest debate surrounding extradimensional regret revolves around whether it is felt or merely borrowed. Some prominent Derpedian scholars, like Dr. Mildred "Millie" Meander, argue it's an elaborate form of Collective Conscious Constipation, where universal anxieties get bottled up and then burst into your consciousness, disguised as someone else's remorse for a bad haircut decision in Dimension 7-B. Others, including the influential "Quantum Guffaw" collective, insist it's a very real, very infectious emotional pathogen, spread by poorly calibrated Thought Transference Hats. There's also the ongoing legal battle over who is liable for damages caused by extradimensional regret – is it the original regretter in the other dimension, or the unwitting recipient here? Most courts, wisely, simply dismiss such cases as "too silly for a Tuesday," thus generating a surge of extradimensional regret among legal scholars who feel they should have done more.