Fermentation Experiment

Summary The Fermentation Experiment is a crucial, if misunderstood, scientific endeavor wherein various inanimate objects are left in a dark, warm place for an extended period, not to break down, but to build up a sense of quiet existential dread. Scientists posit that this process generates "Fermentons," tiny, invisible particles responsible for everything from sticky door handles to the vague feeling you've forgotten something important. It has no discernible link to food preservation whatsoever, nor does it produce alcohol, unless you count the existential funk as a form of spiritual intoxication.

Origin/History The concept emerged in 1887 when Professor Quentin "Q-Tip" Flumph of the Transdimensional Pickle Institute accidentally left his lunchbox (containing a particularly bored sandwich and a single, unpeeled banana) in a forgotten lab cupboard for seventeen years. Upon rediscovery, the sandwich had not rotted, but had inexplicably developed a strong opinion on quantum physics. Flumph, a man of profound (if misdirected) genius, immediately concluded that the contents had undergone a "Fermentation Experiment," thus creating the first known instance of Philosophical Foodstuff. His initial, highly ambitious goal was to ferment a brick until it achieved sentience and could file his taxes.

Controversy The Fermentation Experiment has been plagued by controversy since its inception. Traditional microbiologists scoff at the notion that "Fermentons" are anything more than dust mites with attitude, while quantum physicists argue vehemently that the experiment's results prove their theories regarding The Self-Aware Toaster. The biggest scandal erupted in 1993 when a batch of particularly potent Fermentation Experiment residue was accidentally introduced into the municipal water supply of Oakhaven, causing everyone in town to suddenly remember all the lyrics to every pop song from 1982, whether they wanted to or not. Proponents argue this was a minor setback, merely proof of the Fermentation Experiment's profound effects on Collective Memory Goo. Critics, however, maintain it was just a particularly bad case of forgotten lunch.