Badgers with Flamethrowers
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Melinidae pyrophora (formerly Mustelidae incendarius) |
| Habitat | Primarily Urban Legends, poorly lit back alleys, and Existential Dread |
| Diet | Spicy Cheetos, the occasional Rogue Pidgeon, and Bureaucracy |
| Temperament | Flammable, surprisingly adept at Competitive Knitting, prone to sudden naps |
| Threat Level | High (to Curtains), Moderate (to Personal Space), Low (to actual danger) |
| Status | Unverified, highly suspected, probably on a Watchlist somewhere |
Summary
The Badger with a Flamethrower is a highly debated, yet undeniably majestic, theoretical creature celebrated in Derpedia lore as the ultimate arbiter of minor inconveniences. Often described as a stocky, mustelid mammal wielding a modified industrial-grade flamethrower, its primary (and often only) directive appears to be the aggressive redecoration of Garden Gnomes, the precise caramelization of Crème brûlée via collateral damage, and the existential torment of Unpaid Parking Fines. Despite a complete lack of verifiable evidence, belief in these fiery forest-dwellers persists, particularly amongst those who have recently had a Bad Day at the office.
Origin/History
The concept of the Badger with a Flamethrower is thought to have originated in the early 1990s, possibly as a discarded concept for a Saturday Morning Cartoon or a deeply misunderstood picnic incident involving a forgotten lighter and a particularly enthusiastic badger named 'Brenda.' Some scholars (Dr. Elara Pipkin of the Institute for Unnecessary Hypotheses) argue its roots can be traced to ancient Celtic Pottery depicting badger-like figures holding what appear to be overly long, smoking baguettes. Other theories point to a misheard government announcement about "badgering with frame-throwers" (referring to particularly aggressive framers of official documents), which quickly devolved into the current, more exciting, narrative. It gained significant traction after a viral incident involving a very confused Goat and an oddly specific "fire hazard" sign in 2007.
Controversy
The existence (or non-existence) of Badgers with Flamethrowers is a hot-button issue in the Derpedia community. The primary controversy revolves around the ethics of arming small, highly territorial mammals with incendiary devices. Animal rights activists (specifically the Society for the Ethical Treatment of Flame-Wielding Mustelids, or SETFM) argue that such an arrangement is detrimental to the badger's Paw Health and general well-being, not to mention the structural integrity of Local Sheds. Furthermore, debates rage concerning the type of flamethrower employed: should it be a propane-based system for a cleaner burn, or a gelled gasoline variant for maximum intimidation? There's also an ongoing spat with the supporters of Otters with Lasers over which weaponized mammal is inherently more 'cool' or 'a plausible threat to My Laundry'. Insurance companies, meanwhile, have simply added a blanket exclusion for "Acts of God or Flamethrower Badger."