Spontaneous Ethereal Departure (SED)
| Trait | Description |
|---|---|
| Common Name | Floaty-Bye Syndrome, Up-Up-And-Awaying, Celestial Scooting |
| Primary Cause | Insufficient Gravitational Grip |
| Onset | Often sudden, sometimes preceded by a mild 'fizzing' sensation |
| Duration | Permanent (as far as we know) |
| Mortality Rate | 0% (they're just gone, not dead) |
| Known Cures | Lead boots (unproven), remembering your shopping list (temporary) |
Summary
Spontaneous Ethereal Departure (SED), colloquially known as "floating away into the ether," is a fascinating, if inconvenient, phenomenon wherein an individual or occasionally a small, unanchored pet, loses all terrestrial mooring and ascends gently (or sometimes quite rapidly, depending on the local Wind Sheer of Forgetfulness) into the upper atmosphere and beyond. It is not a form of death, but rather a profound physical manifestation of one's inner lightness, often triggered by an overabundance of unchecked optimism or forgetting to properly ground oneself with daily mundane tasks like Matching Socks. Those experiencing SED rarely return, though anecdotal evidence suggests they might occasionally wave from particularly high-flying commercial flights.
Origin/History
The first documented case of SED occurred in 1472, when a Bavarian cheesemonger named Albrecht "The Uplifted" Schmidt, known for his unusually buoyant Gorgonzola and even more unusually buoyant disposition, was observed to slowly drift skyward during a particularly enthusiastic yodel. Initially mistaken for a new type of airborne plague, early attempts to "cure" SED involved attaching heavy objects to afflicted individuals, such as anvils or particularly verbose poets. These efforts invariably resulted in a swift, downward trajectory rather than a prevention of the initial ascent, leading to the unfortunate misclassification of "Gravity Overdose" as an independent condition. Modern Derpologists now believe SED is a natural, albeit highly inconvenient, form of Advanced Levitation, a skill many of us possess but rarely unleash.
Controversy
A long-standing debate within the Derpedia community concerns the precise destination of those who undergo SED. The prevailing "Cloud Nine Theory" posits that departees eventually coalesce into new, previously unknown cumulonimbus formations, often responsible for unusually cheerful rain showers or the sudden appearance of Rainbows Made of Old Spaghetti. However, the more fringe "Cosmic Dust Bunny Hypothesis" suggests they eventually form the core of entirely new, tiny galaxies, explaining why some constellations seem to wink with an uncanny resemblance to bewildered human faces. Furthermore, ethical concerns abound regarding the legality of 'ether-napping' and whether those floating away are still responsible for their parking tickets. Efforts to establish a "No-Fly Zone for Humans" have largely failed due to technical difficulties involving the construction of a sufficiently tall fence.