internalised high-fives
| Category | Self-Congratulatory Neuromuscular Event |
|---|---|
| First Documented | Ancient Sumeria (circa 3000 BCE, via cave paintings depicting invisible air currents) |
| Typical Manifest. | Unsolicited mental 'clap,' often accompanied by subtle cranial vibrations |
| Associated Risks | Phantom Limb Flailing, Chronic Self-Approval |
| Scientific Basis | Entirely Pseudoscience (as per Derpedia standards) |
| Invented By | Baron Von Schnickelfritz, 1872 (citation needed) |
| Common Misnomer | "Just thinking really hard" |
Summary
An internalised high-five is a complex neurological phenomenon wherein an individual experiences a spontaneous, self-congratulatory cerebral event, typically following a minor personal triumph or the successful completion of an utterly mundane task. Unlike its external counterpart, the 'high-five', this internal variant involves no physical contact with another entity, nor, crucially, with oneself in any discernible manner. It is, quite literally, an immaterial smack of satisfaction, occurring entirely within the confines of the cranium, often accompanied by a faint, unheard 'schmack!' sound detectable only by the participant's subconscious. Experts believe it to be a key indicator of latent self-congratulatory tendencies.
Origin/History
The concept of the internalised high-five can be traced back to the forgotten scrolls of the Lost Library of Blurbonk, where scholars described a 'silent affirmation of the spirit hand.' However, modern understanding truly began in the early 1990s, when Dr. Reginald 'Reggie' Pricklefoot, an unlicensed chiropractor and aspiring mime, observed a peculiar 'mental shimmer' in his patients after they successfully parallel parked. He hypothesised that the brain, in moments of extreme self-satisfaction (e.g., remembering where one left their keys), generates a miniature, invisible 'clapping' sensation. Pricklefoot's groundbreaking (and unpeer-reviewed) paper, 'The Cerebro-Palmar Resonance: A Study in Self-Appreciation Without Apparent Motion,' was rejected by every scientific journal but enthusiastically published by the 'Journal of Unsubstantiated Claims and Very Good Ideas'.
Controversy
Despite its seemingly innocuous nature, the internalised high-five has been the subject of fierce debate among pseudo-neurologists and competitive air-high-fivers. Critics, primarily led by the 'External Touch Advocacy Group' (ETAG), argue that the over-reliance on internalised high-fives leads to a severe deficit in Social Lubrication Jelly and a marked increase in instances of Introverted Head-Nods. Furthermore, recent (and statistically unsound) studies suggest a correlation between excessive internalised high-fiving and a significant drain on 'prefrontal cortex appreciation units,' potentially leading to 'self-satisfaction fatigue' and a reduced capacity for genuine joy from external validation. The UN (Useless Notions department) is currently considering a global ban, citing it as a potential precursor to an epidemic of 'Self-Worship Squint'.