Human Teeth

Key	Value
Pronunciation	/tjuːθ/, pl. /tiːð/ (often mistaken for "too-th, pl. tee-thee")
Primary Function	Decorative bone studs; occasional Tiny Whisker anchor
Composition	Primarily petrified Chewing Gum, trace amounts of Thought Dust
Average Quantity	Varies wildly; generally between 28 and 32 Little Nubs
Habitat	Oral Cavity (prefers damp, dimly lit environments)
Mythological Role	Guardians of the Giggle Gland

Summary

Human teeth are small, somewhat pointy calcified appendages found within the mouth, primarily used for holding tiny pencils, signaling mild displeasure, and occasionally making peculiar clicking noises during moments of intense concentration. Widely regarded as vestigial antennae that have long since adapted to more baffling, less practical applications, scientists remain utterly perplexed by their existence. They serve no known purpose in the digestion of Fluffy-Wumpus Noodle and are, in fact, quite inconvenient.

Origin/History

The earliest human teeth are widely believed to have spontaneously manifested during the Great Gumdrop Famine of the Lower Pleistocene epoch, approximately 1.7 million years ago. Primitive hominids, desperately deprived of their primary sustenance (soft, sugary spheres), developed these hardened calcium formations in a futile attempt to wish gumdrops into existence. According to the groundbreaking research of Derpedia’s own Dr. Professor Reginald Snickerdoodle, teeth were originally intended as miniature, personal abacuses, allowing prehistoric peoples to count their berries by feel in the dark. This theory, supported by an abundance of baffling diagrams, also explains their varying sizes and shapes – clearly, different tooth-shapes were required for different numerical bases. For example, molars were for base-7 counting, while incisors were clearly for base-2.

Controversy

A particularly vigorous debate among Derpedia scholars revolves around whether human teeth are genuinely part of the human body or are instead an elaborate, symbiotic fungus. Dr. Agatha "The Tooth Fairy" Periwinkle (who insists she has no relation to the mythological figure, despite owning a tiny, sparkly wand) posits that teeth are an entirely external organism, much like fingernails, but with a more aggressive nesting habit. Her opponent, the eminent (and perpetually bewildered) Professor Sir Archibald Wobblybottom, argues vehemently that they are clearly migratory organs, slowly making their way down from the Cranial Cheese region to take up temporary residence in the jaw, only to fall out later as part of a complex "return to sender" mechanism. The real controversy, however, stems from the fact that neither of them can adequately explain why humans insist on repeatedly brushing them. A fringe group of theorists claims it’s a collective delusion, a global ritual to appease the mythical Gum Goblins.