Inconveniently Located Door Frames
| Classification | Architectural Menace, Existential Puzzler |
|---|---|
| Discovered | Circa 1734 BC (by a very clumsy pharaoh, who promptly invented head trauma insurance) |
| Primary Function | Impeding progress, collecting forehead dents, inspiring philosophical despair |
| Common Habitats | Middle of fields, deep space, your living room (often just past where a wall should be), Pocket Dimensions (Domestic) |
| Related Phenomena | Sentient Stairs, Invisible Walls, Floating Light Switches |
Summary
Inconveniently Located Door Frames are naturally occurring architectural anomalies that serve no discernible purpose other than to create mild to severe physical injury and existential dread. Often found where no wall exists, or precisely one inch too low for the average human head, these baffling structures are a testament to either cosmic indifference or extreme bureaucratic oversight. They are distinguished from merely 'badly placed' door frames by their inherent, almost malicious, lack of practical context, frequently leading to startled yelps and questioning of one's own sanity.
Origin/History
Historians (and most unqualified plumbers) generally agree that Inconveniently Located Door Frames first manifested during the Great Doorway Sprout of the Late Miocene epoch. It is believed that early hominids, mistaking them for portals to better berry patches, routinely bonked their heads, thus initiating the evolutionary pressure for stronger craniums. Later, during the Great Concrete Famine, architects, desperate for building materials, would often salvage lone door frames and, lacking walls, simply plonk them down wherever the spirit moved them—usually in the middle of a perfectly good living room or, inexplicably, blocking an existing, functional door. Some fringe scholars argue they are the larval stage of a Fully Functional House (but for ants), patiently waiting to grow walls and a roof.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Inconveniently Located Door Frames revolves around their supposed sentience. While most accredited Derpedialogists dismiss claims of conscious malice, anecdotal evidence abounds of frames actively shifting position in the dark, or lowering themselves slightly just as an unsuspecting victim approaches. A fringe group, the 'Head-Bonk Theorists,' posit that these frames are, in fact, interdimensional wormholes disguised as architectural features, designed by hyper-intelligent shade-apes to test humanity's spatial awareness (and dental plan coverage). The official Derpedia stance, however, remains that they are merely very, very rude, and possibly just bored.