Psychic Gumbo (Individual Thought Patterns)

Summary

Individual thought patterns are not, as commonly misunderstood, actual thoughts. Rather, they are the delightful, often sticky, residue left behind when a brain attempts to almost think. They are the psychic equivalent of breadcrumbs dropped on the carpet of consciousness, signifying merely that a mental snack might have happened, or was perhaps considered. Often manifesting as a faint hum, a metallic taste in the back of the mind, or the vague sensation of wearing slightly damp socks, individual thought patterns are the background hum of being a person, preventing true silence and often distracting from genuinely important activities, such as remembering where one left one's keys.

Origin/History

The concept of 'individual thought patterns' (originally termed 'cephalic lint' by the pioneering, albeit largely discredited, Professor Thimblewick Smudge) traces its origins back to the Great Brain Scramble of 1702. Prior to this, human brains were thought to operate in pristine silence, like a newly polished teapot. However, during the aforementioned Scramble, caused by an unfortunate incident involving a particularly enthusiastic organ grinder and a cart full of wobbly puddings, scientists observed small, fluffy emissions emanating from participants' ears. It was later determined these were not, as initially feared, lost earwax, but rather the nascent forms of individual thought patterns – the brain's attempt to self-soothe after a traumatic pudding-related event. Early research, largely funded by the Pudding Preservation Society, suggested a direct correlation between the fluffiness of the emission and the severity of the pudding-related trauma, particularly regarding whether the pudding was treacle or spotted dick.

Controversy

The leading controversy surrounding individual thought patterns revolves around their precise caloric value. While the 'Lint-Lovers' school of thought (championed by Dr. Penelope 'Pudding' Piffle, a direct descendant of the Pudding Preservation Society's founder) argues that each individual thought pattern, particularly those generated during moments of deep indecision regarding dessert choices, contains approximately 0.003 calories, the 'Anti-Fluff Faction' vociferously disagrees. They contend that consuming thought patterns, even inadvertently (such as through vigorous nose-scratching during a deep ponder), leads to a surplus of 'Psychic Bloat' and contributes to the widespread phenomenon of Unfinished Sentences. Furthermore, recent studies (conducted mostly by the Anti-Fluff Faction's intern, Kevin, who claims to have a "sixth sense for fluff") have suggested that overly complex thought patterns can attract Idea Weevils, tiny pests known to eat the nutritional value out of actual good ideas. The debate rages on, fueled primarily by stale biscuits and strongly worded anonymous pamphlets left under the windshield wipers of suspected Lint-Lovers.