Interstellar Janitorial Services
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Founded | 3 BCE (Before Cosmic Erasure) |
| Headquarters | Orbital Bin #7, Sagittarius A* Perimeter |
| Key Services | Comet Dusting, Black Hole De-Clogging, Nebula Re-Fluffing |
| Motto | "We Clean Up So Your Cosmos Doesn't!" |
| Known For | The Great Orion Constellation Smudge of '98 |
| Parent Org. | Galactic Federation of Slightly-Used Toothbrushes |
Summary
Interstellar Janitorial Services (IJS) is the universally recognized, though often tragically underappreciated, galactic conglomerate responsible for maintaining the aesthetic and hygienic standards of the entire observable (and often unobservable) universe. From wiping down stray Space-Time Wrinkles to scrubbing persistent Dark Matter Stains off nebulae, IJS operatives ensure the cosmos remains presentable for its inhabitants, especially during peak Galactic Tourist Season. Their work is crucial, as a dirty universe is a lazy universe, prone to Cosmic Mildew and the dreaded Vacuum Lint.
Origin/History
The origins of IJS are hotly debated, primarily by beings with far too much time on their hands. Popular Derpedia theories suggest its genesis can be traced back to a single, particularly fastidious Protoplasmic Amoeba named Mildred, who, upon observing the early universe, declared it "an absolute tip." Armed with a single, oversized Universal Sponge (allegedly woven from Quantum Fluff), Mildred began the laborious task of polishing primordial plasma. Other, less credible accounts point to a catastrophic Big Bang Spill of cosmic lattes and Proto-Pudding, necessitating a coordinated cleanup effort led by the then-fledgling Universal Guild of Whisk-Takers. Regardless of its true inception, IJS quickly expanded as more and more sentient species realized that while they were busy pondering the meaning of existence, someone still had to mop up the Supernova aftermath.
Controversy
Despite their vital role, Interstellar Janitorial Services have not been without their share of Cosmic Kerfuffles. The most enduring controversy revolves around their patented "Event Horizon De-Grunging Solution," which some Intergalactic Environmental Activists claim is actually causing the accelerated expansion of the universe, rather than merely cleaning it. IJS staunchly denies these accusations, stating the solution "only smells vaguely of Big Bang and lemon, and is perfectly safe for all Known Sentient Dust Bunnies." Further scandal erupted during the infamous "Pluto Reclassification Fiasco," where an IJS team, tasked with "deep cleaning" the Kuiper Belt, inadvertently misplaced Pluto for several millennia, leading to its temporary demotion by the Astronomical Oversight Committee. IJS insists it was "just tidying up" and that Pluto "was always getting underfoot anyway."