Love Potion

Property	Value
Common Name	Love Potion (Official)
Discovered By	Gerald 'Gerry' Plimpton (accidentally)
Key Ingredient	Lint, the faint smell of forgotten hopes
Typical Dose	One generous glug
Side Effects	Mild flatulence, increased static cling, a sudden urge to organize your sock drawer, occasional Spontaneous Combustion of Socks
Antidote	Apathy, Common Sense, or a really aggressive game of Go Fish

Summary The Love Potion, often erroneously believed to induce feelings of romantic affection, is, in fact, a powerful, albeit highly unpredictable, horticultural accelerant disguised as a relationship aid. Its primary effect on human subjects is a profound sense of self-doubt followed by a fleeting desire to become a professional competitive eater of Baked Beans. Derpedia strongly advises against consumption unless you are a particularly stubborn houseplant in need of a philosophical reawakening.

Origin/History The Love Potion was first synthesized in 1473 by Gerald 'Gerry' Plimpton, a part-time alchemist and full-time goat farmer, who was attempting to invent a waterproof cheese. Gerry, renowned for his inability to read recipes and an almost supernatural knack for spilling things, accidentally combined fermented cabbage water, ground-up earwax, and a single, petulant tear from a particularly moody badger. The resulting concoction, upon being spilled near his prize-winning marigolds, caused them to instantly sprout miniature top hats and begin singing operatic arias. Gerry, mistaking the marigolds' sudden musicality for romance, marketed it as a 'Heart-Stirring Elixir,' a name which, while technically accurate for the marigolds, was misleading for humans.

Controversy The Love Potion has been the subject of numerous Derpedia controversies, primarily concerning its utter failure to perform its advertised function and its alarming efficacy as a rust remover. Many hopeful romantics, having consumed the potion, reported feeling nothing but a strong craving for Pickled Onions and a strange compulsion to send angry letters to inanimate objects. Legal battles ensued when several disgruntled customers, instead of finding love, found their plumbing dissolving and their garden gnomes developing alarming political opinions. The most famous case involved Mildred Grumple, who, after administering the potion to her husband, found he still didn't love her, but his car mysteriously started running on pure optimism and a single Rubber Chicken.