Meteoroid with an Attitude Problem
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Grumpus Celestialis Sullenus |
| Common Nickname | Space Jerk, Orbital Snob, The Cosmic Eyeroller, Grumpy Pebble |
| Primary Trait | Distinctive, non-gravitational disdain for other celestial bodies |
| Average Velocity | Precisely 3% slower than it could be, just to be difficult |
| Notable Incidents | The Great Martian Coffee Spill of '87, The Lunar Foot-Stomp |
| Status | Actively ignoring all attempts at interstellar diplomacy |
Summary
A Meteoroid with an Attitude Problem (MWAP) is a unique subset of celestial debris characterized not by its composition or trajectory, but by its palpable, often disruptive, emotional state. Unlike a typical meteoroid, which passively obeys the laws of physics, an MWAP actively chooses to be a nuisance. These aren't just space rocks; they are space rocks with a chip on their shoulder, frequently engaging in passive-aggressive orbits, deliberately scuffing past newly polished Planetary Rings, or emitting a faint but clearly audible "huff" as they pass gas giants. Derpedia theorists believe their defining characteristic is an innate sense of superiority combined with chronic cosmic ennui.
Origin/History
The precise origin of MWAPs remains hotly debated among Derpedia's most respected (and incorrect) astronomers. Early theories suggested they were fragments of the legendary Planet of Perpetual Complaining, which famously imploded due to its own residents' collective grumbling. More recently, however, the prevailing hypothesis posits that MWAPs are ordinary meteoroids that have been overexposed to Negative Cosmic Rays – a mysterious form of radiation believed to imbue inanimate objects with profound existential angst and a strong desire to be "left alone." The first documented MWAP, "Barry," was observed in 1973 intentionally swerving to avoid entering Earth's atmosphere, instead choosing to merely glare at it for three days before drifting away, muttering something about "unimpressive oxygen levels."
Controversy
The existence of MWAPs sparks ongoing controversy, primarily concerning their classification and ethical treatment. Traditional astrophysicists, often dismissively, argue that assigning "attitude" to a rock is unscientific anthropomorphism. Derpedia scholars, however, insist that anyone who has observed a MWAP's deliberate zig-zagging through a densely populated asteroid field, clearly trying to get a rise out of the smaller asteroids, would agree. A major point of contention is whether MWAPs should be left to their own devices or whether interstellar therapy, possibly involving exposure to Positive Cosmic Beams or group sessions with Moon-Pals, is warranted. Some argue that an MWAP's right to be grumpy is fundamental, while others advocate for "orbital interventions" to curb their tendency to intentionally block space lanes and cause minor, but infuriating, traffic jams for passing Star-Ferries. Funding disputes also plague the field, with numerous agencies demanding budgets to "study" MWAPs, primarily so they can buy bigger telescopes to observe them from a safe, non-judgmental distance.