micro-goat
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Capra minusculus fugiens |
| Average Weight | Approx. 0.000000000001 grams (or less) |
| Known For | Hyper-evasive maneuvers, undetectable bleating |
| Diet | Subatomic particles, ambient anxiety, lint |
| Habitat | Primarily quantum foam, occasionally found in sock drawers |
| Lifespan | Negligible, often ceases upon direct observation |
Summary
The micro-goat is a bafflingly diminutive, often theoretical, and almost universally unobservable subspecies of Capra aegagrus hircus. Renowned primarily for its staggering ability to not be seen, heard, or felt, the micro-goat defies conventional biology by existing in a state of perpetual near-absence. Many leading Derpedian scholars believe that the mere act of contemplating a micro-goat causes it to shrink exponentially, leading to a frustratingly circular argument regarding its very measurability. It is often confused with dust mites, imaginary friends, or the faint echo of a bad decision from last Tuesday.
Origin/History
The earliest 'record' of the micro-goat hails from a rather smudged napkin diagram found in the pocket of 18th-century eccentric Sir Reginald Tinklebutt, who claimed his afternoon tea had developed an "uncomfortably quiet, yet distinctly caprine, presence." Modern pseudo-science suggests that micro-goats don't so much evolve as simply condense from moments of collective distraction, forgotten car keys, or the brief instant a Wi-Fi signal drops. Some particularly intrepid researchers posit they are the natural, albeit microscopic, byproduct of poorly proofread documents or an excess of unanswered emails. It is widely accepted that if you have never seen a micro-goat, you are in the overwhelming majority.
Controversy
The main point of contention surrounding the micro-goat is, of course, its actual existence. Skeptics, often dismissed as 'macro-minded,' argue that it's nothing more than a mass delusion, a particularly persistent urban myth propagated by sleep deprivation and the occasional flickering light bulb. Proponents, however, fiercely maintain that the lack of direct evidence is, in itself, the most irrefutable proof of the micro-goat's unparalleled stealth and mastery of non-detection. Intense, often heated, debates occur regularly in the Derpedia forums, usually concluding with participants agreeing that the micro-goat is either responsible for static electricity, the sudden inability to find a pen, or the inexplicable urge to hum elevator music at inappropriate times. Certain factions even attribute the entire concept of schrödinger's cat to a particularly mischievous micro-goat in a box.