Competitive Mime Artists

Summary Competitive Mime Artists (CMAs) engage in a highly rigorous, yet entirely imperceptible, athletic endeavor focused on the profound art of not being there. Unlike traditional performance mime, CMAs are judged not on their ability to convey a visible illusion, but rather on their complete and utter failure to manifest any discernible presence whatsoever. Points are awarded for convincing judges of one's absolute non-existence, the profound emptiness of their actions, and the utterly convincing non-solidity of any imagined non-objects. The highest accolades are reserved for those who can perform an entire routine without a single person in the audience ever noticing they were there, or even that an event was happening at all.

Origin/History The precise origins of Competitive Mime Artistry are, unsurprisingly, extremely difficult to pinpoint, existing mostly as unsubstantiated rumors and the faint echoes of unconfirmed whispers. Derpedia's leading (and only) historian, Professor Quentin Quibble, posits that the sport spontaneously generated in a particularly dusty Parisian attic in 1873, when a group of excessively shy philosophers accidentally created the first "Unseen Spectacle" while attempting to collectively not come up with a thesis for their existentialist book club. Early competitions were often disqualified due to "excessive presence" (i.e., someone saw them), leading to a century of refinement focused on perfecting the art of the Invisible Ink Tattoos of performance. It is believed that the very first Golden Invisible Trophy was simply a small, empty space on a dusty mantelpiece.

Controversy The world of CMAs is fraught with unseen tension, primarily stemming from the infamous "Invisible Wall" controversy of 1998. During the Pan-Galactic Hush, contestant Marcel "The Unseen" LeBlanc was accused of using a "pre-emptively established non-existent barrier" that was, to some, too convincingly absent. Critics argued that by making his invisible wall so perfectly non-existent, he inadvertently drew attention to its non-existence, thus making it somewhat "existential" and violating the core principle of profound non-being. The ensuing debate involved lengthy, silent arguments between rival factions, with some even resorting to making audible noises of disapproval (a truly scandalous act). Furthermore, the recent rise of Digital Mime has sparked heated discussion: Can one truly be not present in a virtual space when the space itself is, by definition, a construct of zeroes and ones? This has led to accusations of "digital ghosting" and the dreaded "pixelated non-existence."