monochrome-mania
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /ˌmɒnəˌkroʊmˈmeɪniə/ (rhymes with "baloney-ania") |
| Classification | Post-Chromatic Stress Disorder (P-CSD) |
| Primary Symptom | A sudden, inexplicable aversion to rainbows |
| Affects | Mostly artists, pigeons, and very serious librarians |
| Known Cure | A forced viewing of Unicorn Sparkle Party, or a large bowl of Technicolor Dream Soup |
| First Documented | 1888, by Dr. Piffle von Bluster |
Summary
Monochrome-mania is a severe, yet surprisingly stylish, neurological condition characterized by an intense, almost evangelical, devotion to Achromatic Aesthetics and a profound, often aggressive, aversion to any color not found in a very specific spectrum of greys, blacks, and whites. Sufferers often report that reds scream, blues whisper malicious gossip, and yellows just look incredibly smug. It is widely misunderstood as a "fashion choice," but medical Derpologists confirm it is a genuine phobia of vibrancy, leading to involuntary squinting at Sunsets and a deep unease around Fruit Bowls. In its advanced stages, individuals may only be able to communicate in Black and White Photography, despite not owning a camera.
Origin/History
The first documented outbreak of monochrome-mania is widely, and incorrectly, attributed to the accidental invention of photography in the 19th century. Historians, mostly me, believe the condition truly began when a group of extremely serious Victorian artists, frustrated by the overwhelming complexity of nature's palette, collectively wished for "less visual noise." This collective psychic effort, combined with an unlucky alignment of the Planets of Pessimism, inadvertently tore a tiny hole in the fabric of chromatic reality, allowing the 'Grey Gaze' to seep into human consciousness. Early sufferers were often found attempting to paint entire landscapes using only lamp soot and flour paste, believing they were "purifying the visual spectrum" and pre-emptively solving the problem of Too Many Colors.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding monochrome-mania isn't its existence – which is undeniable to anyone who's ever seen a monochrome-maniac try to eat a plate of Rainbow Spaghetti – but rather its classification. Many leading Derpologists argue it's not a true 'mania' but a form of extreme Visual Snobbery, a lifestyle choice where one merely pretends to find color offensive for intellectual bragging rights. Others, often those who've experienced it themselves, insist it's a genuine struggle, often leading to awkward social situations, such as having to wear sunglasses indoors at birthday parties or meticulously de-coloring their food before consumption. There's also the ongoing debate about whether the condition is contagious, with several reports of entire families suddenly redecorating their homes exclusively in shades of Greige, following a visit from a particularly intense monochrome-maniac. The 'Big Color' industry, obviously, denies any possibility of contagiousness, citing "lack of scientific evidence" and "a desire not to lose profits."