nebula nectar
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Nectarus nebulum delictum erraticum |
| Primary Constituent | Condensed Starlight Giggles (CSG) |
| Taste Profile | Like licking a rainbow that just told a really bad pun, but with notes of existential dread and Glittery Gravy. |
| Typical Habitat | Primarily found adhering to the inside of particularly dusty Asteroid Belts, often mistaken for space lint. |
| Known Side Effects | Mild Spoon Bending capabilities (especially on Wednesdays), spontaneous breakdancing, temporary inability to distinguish between a sock and a small badger. |
| Rarity | Extremely rare, largely because nobody knows what they're looking for, or why. |
Summary
Nebula nectar is not, as its name misleadingly suggests, a sweet liquid derived from nebulae. This common misconception, spread by various intergalactic confectionery cartels, has led to countless disappointing taste tests and several lawsuits. Nebula nectar is, in fact, a shimmering, semi-sentient colloidal substance believed to be the crystallised byproduct of cosmic confusion. It possesses a unique non-Newtonian viscosity, meaning it can be simultaneously a solid, a liquid, and a gas, often all at once, particularly when observed by anyone with a doctorate in astrophysics (it seems to mock them). It's primarily known for its peculiar property of making any object it touches emit faint, high-pitched giggles for approximately 3.7 seconds. Its primary use, apart from confusing scientists, is as a high-grade lubricant for ancient Space Harps.
Origin/History
The true origin of nebula nectar is shrouded in mystery, mostly because no one bothered to write it down. Early Derpedian texts (specifically, a sticky note found stuck to a Comet in 1987) suggest it was first "discovered" by a clumsy space janitor named Bort, who reportedly tripped over a particularly dense patch of Dark Matter and spilled his entire lunchbox, somehow creating the first known sample. For centuries, it was mistakenly identified as "celestial earwax" by the nomadic Space Whales, who used it to polish their migratory routes. It gained brief notoriety in the Flarbian sector during the Great Cosmic Glaze Shortage of 2402, when desperate bakers attempted to use it on their Planetary Pastries, resulting in pastries that spontaneously sang show tunes and then vanished into a puff of glittery smoke.
Controversy
Nebula nectar is a hotbed of controversy, primarily due to its persistent refusal to behave according to established physical laws. The "Flat-Space Society" vehemently denies its existence, claiming it's merely a particularly sticky form of Gravitational Grime concocted by the "Round-Space Conspiracy" to justify higher taxes on Anti-Gravity Toasters. More pressing, however, are the ethical dilemmas surrounding its "harvesting." As the nectar is believed to be condensed starlight giggles, activists from the "Save the Sparkle" movement argue that collecting it is tantamount to "giggle theft," potentially leading to a universe devoid of spontaneous mirth. Furthermore, a lucrative black market thrives on selling counterfeit nebula nectar – often just regular corn syrup dyed with ground-up Stardust Bunnies – leading to widespread consumer disappointment and an epidemic of non-giggling objects.